Leaked Audio From the Final Pat Sajak Appearance
Pat Sajak is going to snap on his final episode
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At My Bar, Dogs Will Drink for Free!
I recently attended a neighborhood art fair – the kind that springs up on city streets during warm weather months and creates pleasant chaos as artists share the block, or in this case, four blocks, with longtime retail merchants. I…
Instagram Will Organize My Life Into a Wallet and a Carry-On Bag
Leave it to Instagram to tell me I do not know how to organize. I’ve always considered myself a tidy person, living, since college, with nary an article of clothing tossed on floors, slung over furniture or hanging from ceiling…
A Skills Assessment Test To Crush Your Dreams
Hello and thank you for applying for the open position at WE KNOW EVERYTHING, the world’s leading web design, development, and digital marketing company. You have been invited to take a skills assessment test so our executives can focus on…
Here is One Task ChatGPT Cannot Perform
Lately I have been messing around with ChatGPT, the artificial intelligence chatbot destined to make our society even lazier than it is now. While reviews of ChatGPT have been mixed — Elon Musk called it ‘scary good” while professors and…
Before You Enter That Gender Neutral Restroom…
I gazed around the enclosure, wondering how such a small space could be the source of bullying, harassment, and a political maelstrom that shows no signs of abating. Then I zipped up and exited the bathroom. But not just any…
Dogs Don’t Always Bring Out the Laughs
Mary Louise and Marty showed up faithfully at the park each morning at 7:30. Stopping their SUV in the same space, Mary Louise, 68, emerged with a bowl of water, followed by her husband, 85, armed with a tennis ball.…
This Curious Comedian Wants to Talk To You
The art of face-to-face communication took a huge hit due to the pandemic, and, as a traveling comedian, it has sadly also affected my favorite solo traveling game. I’ve titled the game, “Walk Into a Bar and Get One Person…
Corporate America, I’m Done With Your Surveys
Don’t worry, loyal reader; I will not ask you to take any “brief surveys” after reading this column. Nor will I find your cell number, contact you and then ask you to “stay on the line” and rate the experience. I…
Gen Z Pickleballers, I’m Going Clint Eastwood’ on You
“Get off my pickleball court!” I know, I know. That phrase may never reach pop culture status like, “Get off my lawn,” which curmudgeonly Clint Eastwood famously uttered in “Gran Torino” and, ultimately, became an ode to petulance and turf…
Christmas Gifts Celebrities Did Not Receive in 2022
Hard to believe Christmas 2022 has come and gone. It seems like only yesterday the 2021 holiday was upon us and people were freaking out about attending festive family gatherings because of COVID-19 germs and a toxic political environment. It’s…
Should You Tip Your Rideshare Driver…or Anyone?
Recently, I began driving for Uber; not because of financial hardship, but so I could entertain friends with rideshare stories that would normally sound creepy coming from a 60-year-old man’s mouth. “Yesterday, I picked up two girls at the high…
I Refuse to Be “Friendly, Naked Locker Room Guy”
I saw him in the locker room the day after Thanksgiving, the Friday that sends even the most passive “athletes” scurrying to the gym, convinced that one 30-minute session on the Stairmaster will melt away the sweet potatoes and pumpkin…
Camping, and Campers, Double as My Worst Nightmare
I am currently aboard a cruise ship, steaming toward the Eastern Caribbean and flocked with people who, like me, feel a vacation should involve being waited on hand and foot until they arrive back home and see the mess that…
Tater Tots are the World’s Most Perfect Food
Hey foodies! Pop quiz. Name a morsel that pairs equally well with red or white. A side dish that would be the hit of any dinner party even if the pretentious host were serving some unpronounceable main course featuring ingredients…