This post originally appeared as part of the Tribune Content Agency’s Humor Hotel feature.
Since joining Facebook more than 10 years ago, I have amassed nearly 1,200 “friends.” I place that word in quotation marks, for I have grown skeptical of its online meaning.
Take, for example, a post I created days after visiting the recently opened Obama Presidential Center in Chicago’s Hyde Park neighborhood. Securing tickets to the museum is about as easy as walking up to President Obama’s house, ringing the doorbell and asking if he and Michelle are free for dinner this evening. Nevertheless, one can stroll through the nearly 20-acre campus free of charge, admiring architecture, foliage and artwork while learning about the former first couple.
My companion and I spent over two hours doing just that. At one point, I handed my phone to a passerby and requested she take some photos of us. She complied and why not? One can feel the friendly, accepting atmosphere that wafts over the campus, exactly the tone I’m sure President Obama envisioned.
That feeling evaporates should one decide to post their photos to Facebook.
Moments after doing just that, a “friend” named Donald (not THAT Donald, another one) pounced.
“Why did you go to this?” Donald wrote. “Obama was and is the worst. Deserves no respect ever.”
Rather than immediately block Donald, an easy fix when faced with haters and trollers on social media, I engaged. But not through the ugly name calling that has made apps like Facebook such a stain on our ability to respect, albeit begrudgingly, opinions contrary to ours. Instead, I asked Donald why he thought it necessary to post vitriol over somebody’s Saturday afternoon plans. I asked Donald if he thought doing so would dissuade others from visiting the campus.
When “Friends” Turn on Each Other Over Politics
Other “friends” were less civil. Within days, Donald and Steve were engaged in a verbal altercation, hurling insults such as “TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) and liberalism on full display” and “ignorant, uneducated vile Nazi MAGA.” Donald also commented on Steve’s physical appearance, even though I’m certain these two have never met in person.
I don’t condone these types of exchanges, for they solve nothing. I doubt even Mark Zuckerberg envisioned this hatred when he was creating Facebook in his Harvard dorm room. And yet, I value friendship and don’t wish to lose “friends,” even those in quotation marks.
So, to appease Donald and to keep Steve’s blood pressure from spiking any further, I have decided to keep politics out of my Facebook feeds. By that, I mean I will no longer post photos of anything connected to any U.S. President, living or dead.
Good Luck Finding a President Nobody Hates
For example, don’t expect to see pictures of trips I take to Houston. One might assume I arrived there via George Bush Intercontinental Airport. Our nation’s 41st president certainly had his share of detractors.
“Friends” will never know if I visited the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California, or the Richard Nixon Memorial Library just down the road in Yorba Linda. Both leaders were highly controversial figures and one’s presidency crumbled on national television. I’ve seen Mount Rushmore once but will definitely keep my phone in my pocket should I visit again. What would my “friends” think if they saw Thomas Jefferson, a notorious slave owner, in the background?
Heck, now I’m wondering if I should even traverse the John F. Kennedy expressway? Sure, it’s my primary thoroughfare to get to O’Hare International Airport, which I use to fly to locations worldwide (save Houston). But do I REALLY wish to drive on a highway named after a president known for powerful speeches but also for alleged out-of-wedlock dalliances and associations with Mafia figures? This is how “friendships” end.
Oh no, I just opened my wallet and saw a $20 bill containing Andrew Jackson’s mug. That’s right, the same Andrew Jackson who signed the Indian Removal Act of 1830, resulting in the heartbreaking Trail of Tears. I should exchange this $20 for four fives. Abraham Lincoln seemed like a good guy. Or maybe I’ll just carry around a $100 bill. I’ve never heard anyone badmouth Benjamin Franklin.
Yes, from now on I will limit my Facebook photos to scenes free from controversy. That way all my “friends” will have nothing to criticize me for. This weekend maybe I’ll visit an animal shelter, rescue an adorable looking dog and post a photo of the two of us frolicking in a park.
Wait, wasn’t Joe Biden’s dog Major a rescue? Never mind.
