As I sit down to write this column on an early morning Saturday in March 2021, one thing is for certain: I’m not cleaning the bathroom this weekend. No, bathroom cleaning takes place on the weekends that I’m not producing…
Thank you, Ted Cruz, for making it even more difficult to plan my next vacation. By now, everyone with electricity and Wi-Fi — two luxuries still missing for thousands in the Texas senator’s home state — are aware of Cruz’s…
Back in 2018, when he was happily cancer free, the late Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek announced he was pondering retirement. Immediately I began polishing my resume. In an earlier column, I pleaded with executives at Sony Pictures Television, distributors of…
The hardware store employee approached, noting the confusion on my face. It’s a look that just happens naturally the moment I enter any store that smells of lumber. “What can I help you find today?” he said. “The Diet Coke…
January is always the month where I say I’m going to change my eating habits — for good as opposed to for 48 hours. That usually involves finding an app that will guide me through the slimming process. I like…
This time next year, anyone landing in Texas may be faced with a very long walk through the airport, a journey that culminates in a large room and an interview with a suspicious Texas ranger who demands to know just…
I sincerely apologize to anyone who hoped to make a Thanksgiving dish featuring cream cheese and could not locate any at nearby grocery stores. It was all at my house. The thousands of cream cheese-driven calories I consumed…
At the risk of being excoriated by Illinois public health officials, I have just extended an invitation to my out-of-town relatives to join me for a lavish Thanksgiving feast. They can even stay through Christmas if they like, COVID-19 be…
Political campaigns have finally come to a much-needed end; and yet, no politician ever promised to rid this country of one of its most pressing nightmares: celebrities on social media announcing how they are dealing with the pandemic. Since lockdown…
Arrive for Thanksgiving wearing your scariest, most blood curdling mask. Just make sure the mouth opening is wide enough for turkey and sweet potatoes to pass through.