A Dad’s Prom Checklist
Clad in a tuxedo, the young man dotingly eyed my daughter as she walked slowly toward him. When they met, he took her hand while I looked into his eyes and firmly said, “Take care of my little girl.” And…
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The Dearly Departed Now Lie In Your Spam Folder
My Facebook pal Jeannie received the email several weeks ago. A close friend passed away and the service was taking place the following day. Jeannie thought about sending a sympathy card, paying her respects in person, or otherwise reaching out…
If It’s March, Eat, Sing and Be Crafty
It’s nearly four months overdue, but I wish to apologize to all my friends, associates, business acquaintances, and President Obama for what can only be considered a total lack of oversight on my part. I was not aware that November…
What Is Jay Leno Doing Now That He’s Retired?
A chronology of Jay Leno’s first day as retired Tonight Show host: 3 a.m. Wake up and write down funny President Obama health care joke from dream. Pause. Crumble up paper and go back to bed. 6:30 a.m. Begin preparing list of interview…
Hey Oprah, I’m a Decent Plumber Too!
I don’t consider myself an equal to Oprah Winfrey. I don’t possess her charisma, her cell phone contact list, or her billions. And I’m okay with that. We can’t all grow up to be talk show hosts, media moguls, and…
Please, Please Stop Speaking Facebook
Imagine you’re at a party. Someone approaches and engages you in a one-sided conversation. It goes something like this: “Hi (YOUR NAME), haven’t seen you in awhile. Of course, I haven’t seen anybody, considering I just returned from my oceanfront…
Beware The Binge Watching House At The End Of The Street
This column originally appeared in The Huffington Post 1-8-14 I’d heard rumors about the small, dilapidated single-family structure at the end of my street. During the housing bust it sat vacant, weeds and trash littering the porch and surrounding lot.…
Who Are These Children in my Mailbox?
Before beginning that dreaded day spent packing up ornaments, vacuuming fallen pine needles, retangling Christmas lights, and scouring the house unsuccessfully for that one missing gift receipt, I embark on a post-holiday tradition that becomes more depressing each year. I…
I’m Happy At the End of the Line
I have come to the realization that my days of being first at anything have long passed. I no longer run races, so “first across the finish line” is out. I have no desire to sleep outside my local Best Buy,…
Lady Gaga Will Outfit My Wife This Christmas
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST 12-10-13 Sometimes holiday gift ideas hit you at the strangest moments; in my case, it was during the recently televised American Music Awards. There I was in my recliner, half-watching the show…