The Rise of the Dog and the Fall of the Baby
Babies, despite your best efforts, you’re number two. Dogs are ahead of you. You may have even fallen to number three, behind Peloton classes. Deal with it.
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Read MoreThe Rise of the Dog and the Fall of the Baby
It’s Not A Family Vacation Until You “See Them Aliens!”
“On September 20, we are going to Groom Lake in Nevada, specifically to storm Area 51,” I said. “The event is on Facebook, and I’ve already responded ‘interested.’ Along with 1.4 million others.”
Somebody Please Write Down Where I Left My Sunglasses
When it comes to items that should be equipped with a GPS, my choice would be sunglasses. And pens. Hand me either and I will make them vanish faster than any magician appearing nightly on the Las Vegas strip.
A Summer of Ice Cream Lickers and Mermaid Haters
I’ll admit, even I was grossed out by this dairy breach, which has since inspired numerous copycat incidents; and I’ve been known to open our refrigerator and swill orange juice and milk straight from the carton, much to my family’s horror.
Why I Update My Demo Reel Every Other Year…and Why Meeting Planners Should Care
A lot can happen in two years. At this time in 2017, no one had heard of #MeToo. The political climate, while still intense, had not reached the level of combustibility that exists today. Workplace political correctness has ratcheted up…
Preparing for the Rolling Stones’ “Let’s Spend our ’80s Together” Tour
I’m sure a few morbid concertgoers purchased tickets just to see if Mick Jagger, having recently undergone heart surgery, would succumb on stage. What an Instagram selfie that would make!
A Middle-Aged Dude Rents a Scooter…and Lives to Tell About It
I had seen scooters in other cities, usually out of the corner of my eye seconds before I leapt out of the way to avoid them. In Washington, D.C., a gaggle of scooters nearly ran me over outside the White House. My guess is the occupants chose our nation’s capital to demonstrate how scooters are improving the environment by reducing carbon dioxide emissions. Conversely, they are harming the environment by adding to debris on public thoroughfares, mostly in the form of injured bodies.
Forget Lemonade…Here’s What Kids Should Sell This Summer
Texas Governor Greg Abbott recently signed what he referred to as a “common sense” bill, allowing kids throughout the state to set up lemonade stands, and sell the beverage, without vendor permits or health inspections. The bill was inspired by an incident in Overton, Texas, where police did, in fact, shut down a stand run by two 8-year-old sisters. That incident occurred in 2015, in case you’re wondering how long it takes the Texas government to apply common sense.
Apple is Killing iTunes…and I am Freaking Out
I loaded music from bands that defined my high school and college years into iTunes. I also loaded music I was too embarrassed to admit I listened to in high school. Yes, I briefly went through a John Denver phase, followed immediately by a Molly Hatchet phase. Surprisingly, I did not take drugs in high school.
Sure, I’ll alter video…if it makes my kids look better
If I had just sped up that video of my daughter running hurdles during freshman track season, who knows? Maybe she would have received a full track and field scholarship. It would have been more realistic than superimposing her head onto the body of a famous athlete, something the parents implicated in the college admissions scandal now realize was a very bad idea.
Your Wedding Checklist Had Better Include Ginger Root
We’ve been married 25 years, and memories of our special day are a bit hazy; although, I do remember that I returned my tuxedo on time. I also remember purchasing gifts for my groomsmen but was certain we skipped the swag bag gesture.
‘Game of Thrones’ Summarized by a Guy who Only Watched the Final Episode
But with the anticipation of last week's GoT series finale generating more discussion than Ariana Grande's dating life, and those discussions veering off in more directions than a President Trump news conference, I decided to watch the final episode. Better late than never, right?
Four Phrases Waitstaff Really Need to Stop Using
I found myself siding with the serving community, who, for the most part, cheerfully spends their days depositing meals in front of us and then listening to us complain our salads contained arugula and we SPECIFICALLY requested it be removed, which is why I usually tack 25 percent onto my bill. Post tax.
‘Unboxing’ Stuff: Could It Be My Daughter’s Future?
I proceeded to inform her about "Ryan ToysReview," a YouTube channel featuring some kid known only to his millions of subscribers as "Ryan." It features Ryan opening toy treasures and then playing with his new gifts while his off-screen parents pepper him with questions like, "What is THAT, Ryan?"
I Need the RunPee app for more than just ‘Avengers: Endgame’
The app is RunPee, and it has been getting boatloads of press following the release of Avengers: Endgame, a movie that grossed $1.2 billion on its opening weekend, more money than Democratic presidential candidates will raise collectively before all dropping out of the race upon realizing their fundraisers were being attended solely by close relatives.