The school bully welcomed me to junior high by shoving me against a locker. In high school, I remember slipping a note into the louvers of my crush's locker, then discreetly watching from an empty classroom as she read it.
Obviously, the study is flawed for assuming a date includes a restaurant, a multiplex and alcohol. New Yorkers take heart; two subway tickets, some takeout Chinese, a candle, a blanket, a shared can of White Claw and a plot of grass in Central Park can easily be had for under $40. Unless one of you insists on bits of lobster or Kobe beef in your fried rice.
My life has recently been filled with several components that no longer bring me joy; some involving injury, pain and rehab, although maybe not in a continuous cycle. Nevertheless, using Luck's logic, I am hereby announcing my retirement from the following activities:
So, CNN, why not cancel the next presidential debate, build your own slide and invite all the remaining Democratic candidates and President Trump to compete? Personally, I think Pete Buttigieg would win in a landslide. Surely his training as a naval officer in Afghanistan included skills that could be resourceful in Slippery Stairs
Babies, despite your best efforts, you’re number two. Dogs are ahead of you. You may have even fallen to number three, behind Peloton classes. Deal with it.
“On September 20, we are going to Groom Lake in Nevada, specifically to storm Area 51,” I said. “The event is on Facebook, and I’ve already responded ‘interested.’ Along with 1.4 million others.”
When it comes to items that should be equipped with a GPS, my choice would be sunglasses. And pens. Hand me either and I will make them vanish faster than any magician appearing nightly on the Las Vegas strip.
I’ll admit, even I was grossed out by this dairy breach, which has since inspired numerous copycat incidents; and I’ve been known to open our refrigerator and swill orange juice and milk straight from the carton, much to my family’s horror.
A lot can happen in two years. At this time in 2017, no one had heard of #MeToo. The political climate, while still intense, had not reached the level of combustibility that exists today. Workplace political correctness has ratcheted up…
I’m sure a few morbid concertgoers purchased tickets just to see if Mick Jagger, having recently undergone heart surgery, would succumb on stage. What an Instagram selfie that would make!