This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 28, 2017 As the last light of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend began to fade, I found myself in my garage, contemplating a task I had been neglecting for years. I’d completed the required checklist that accompanies my every Thanksgiving: Gorge self on turkey, shake head in…
DetailsThis article originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 21, 2017. Please visit and subscribe to A Comedian Crashes Your Pad on YouTube or Vimeo From any west facing window in my boyhood home, it was impossible not to see it: A sprawling box elder, its branches towering over the other trees, not only in my…
DetailsThis column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 14, 2017 Once again, it appears one of MY great ideas has been brought to fruition — by somebody who, unlike me, knows how to create an app. Was it nine years ago, maybe 10, that I was aimlessly driving around a congested mall parking lot, thinking how…
DetailsThis article originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 7, 2017 The Twitterverse, indeed the entire online community, was abuzz last week with news that a still unidentified rogue Twitter employee, on his or her last day of employment at the social networking giant, briefly shut down President Donald Trump’s account. For 11 minutes, an eternity for Trump’s 41 million…
DetailsThis column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune Oct 31, 2017 The Schwem family has often entertained the idea of hosting a foreign exchange student for a semester or, if the student can tolerate us, an entire year. That could prove difficult given the attitude foreigners have toward our country’s residents right now. “Mama, Papa,…
DetailsRecently I decided to refocus on learning a skill I had abandoned in frustration when I was approximately 11. Blowing bubbles. With gum, not soap. I mastered the latter when I was four. Why, you ask, at the age of 55, am I suddenly obsessed with inserting wads of a cavity-inducing substance into my…
DetailsRecently I returned to my college alma mater for homecoming weekend, a chance to watch football, rekindle old friendships and, as is my passion, visit with my school’s current crop of students so I have some idea of what our nation’s highest bastions of academia are churning out. (HINT: Lots of tattoos). After my Northwestern…
DetailsFour years ago, I became intrigued with, and wrote about, Mars One, a space exploration project that seeks to establish a permanent human settlement on the Red Planet. Anyone can apply to be an astronaut, providing they are OK with never returning to Earth. That’s right — the Mars One journey is a one-way ticket.…
DetailsToys R Us is hiring for the holidays! Toys R Us is going bankrupt! President Trump said any Toys R Us employee who takes a knee in the stuffed animal aisle should be fired! OK, the third item is (presently) false; but the first two, conflicting as they may appear, were announced recently by the…
DetailsHow many iPhone revisions, updates and unveilings must I sit through before hearing the one feature every parent craves has finally become reality? “MDILMP,” also known as “Mom, Dad, I Lost My Phone.” Recently, I watched Apple CEO Tim Cook enthusiastically announce the new features on the iPhone 8, iPhone 8 Plus and iPhone X, the latter featuring a price tag…
DetailsIn no particular order, here is my list of top three tangible items that should never be merged: —$2 chicken wings and a Fitbit —Octogenarians and Snapchat —Alcohol and anyone wanting to discuss politics The remainder of this column will focus on the latter, now that I have received an official invitation, via my Facebook…
DetailsThe shiny refrigerator sits in my kitchen, hovering over all the other appliances. It features an exterior water and ice dispenser, a digital control panel that allows me to choose whether I prefer my ice cubed or crushed, a crisper humidity control and “flip-up’ shelving units. It is quite technologically advanced. Also, it is quite…
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