My wife and I sat in our respective chairs, enduring a barrage of holiday commercials when Santa suddenly appeared on the TV, gushing over some state-of-the-art vacuum that, according to him, was the perfect Christmas gift. “We need a new…
A new Christmas tradition in the Schwem household unexpectedly surfaced Thanksgiving night when my wife was channel-hopping and stumbled upon the Hallmark Channel. Yes, we knew the greeting card company owned a television network, and we help pay for its…
I set my alarm 90 minutes before my normal wake up time. I secured my place in line two hours before the doors opened. I rehearsed, discarded and reformulated my introductory comment repeatedly. Should I open with a personal memory?…
Now that the world is slowly coming to grips with the fact that Donald J. Trump will be our next Commander N. Chief, I have a message for our nation’s television salespeople: “Be afraid. Be very afraid.” If you work…
The first accolade came as I walked from my Phoenix hotel room to the lobby in search of a Starbucks blend that wasn’t present in room 3028. “Congratulations,” a woman said, her eyes gesturing to my sternum. While in the…
My day always begins with a mug of highly caffeinated coffee, the precursor to an energetic plunge through the world’s headlines, courtesy of the websites I’ve bookmarked on my Mac. Naturally, I start with my employer, the Chicago Tribune (suck-up…
The question I posed over the phone to a relative was innocent enough: “Who are you voting for?” “Trump,” she replied, after a short pause. Perhaps the hesitancy stemmed from the fact that I didn’t phrase the question as stated…
On Sept. 26, I was one of 84 million debate viewers who spent the evening glued to the TV as our next president chided our soon-to-be most famous loser. That’s not a prediction for who will win on Nov. 8,…
Greg Schwem is a corporate comedian and business emcee who is always looking for cheap fares…in Uber and in life Just as I was embracing the idea of letting strangers drive me around in their personal vehicles while having access…
The headline caught my eye as I scrolled through The New York Times on my iPad: “How to Pick the Fastest Line at the Supermarket.” “Shop five minutes before closing,” was my immediate thought. That always works at my local…