Sports metaphors in politics have become a strange new qualification for public office. Apparently, if you’ve played, coached, or even interviewed someone holding a ball, you’re ready to legislate.
Chicago’s brutally cold winter, I have managed to indulge my love of sports by hitting the gym regularly, taking a few golf swings in one of those indoor simulator things, and continuing my passion for pickleball.
It is the latter that fuels my desire to become a high-ranking elected official. Retiring Illinois Senator Dick Durbin’s seat looks particularly inviting.
As an avid pickleball player, and one familiar with the sport’s terminology, I plan to PICKLE my opponents in the primaries. Once elected, I will RALLY this country away from the SOFT DINK reputation we have today. I will end corruption faster than the THIRD SHOT DROP I have mastered.
You see, it appears a connection to, or even a passing interest in, athletics qualifies someone to run for political office. The latest example? Retired NBC Sunday Night football reporter Michele Tafoya, who recently announced her intention to seek the soon-to-be-vacated U.S. Senate seat in Minnesota.
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Not a local school board official, water reclamation district representative or some other entry level elected position where politicians typically begin their rise to national prominence. No, Tafoya believes her experience interviewing sweaty professional football players is all it takes to leap directly to the U.S. Capitol chamber. She explained her credentials via her campaign announcement, posted on social media.
“For years I covered the biggest football games in America,” Tafoya says offscreen as voters see pictures of her smiling while questioning football luminaries such as Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers.
If you still need MORE convincing, Tafoya isn’t finished.
“I walked the sidelines when the pressure was mounting and the stakes were the highest,” she said.
Pardon my ignorance. I don’t watch a lot of football, but I can’t recall NBC announcers Mike Tirico or Chris Collingsworth ever saying, “It’s fourth and one with time running out. Wonder if we will soon see Tafoya? She looks confident and ready to handle the pressure in her fur-lined coat.”
“That job taught me about more than football,” Tafoya continued, while strolling on a snow-covered football field. “It taught me about how leadership really works. When leaders are prepared and accountable, teams succeed. When they aren’t, people pay the price.”
From there Tafoya ticked off, without specifics, her plans to fight corruption, end fraud and protect Minnesotans’ tax dollars.
Leadership Lessons Learned While Interviewing Sweaty Dudes
Maybe I missed something 40 years ago as a college intern at a Chicago radio station. My responsibilities included interviewing professional baseball players following games. These players were often naked. I didn’t learn anything about leadership and accountability but I did learn the following:
1. With a few exceptions, professional baseball players can’t string together two coherent sentences.
2. Baseball players have foul mouths. Their managers’ mouths are worse.
3. When interviewing a naked baseball player, never look down.
Somehow, I don’t think those “lessons” would translate into votes but who knows? Tafoya seems to think so, and she’s not the only one who peppers her political aspirations with sports analogies. Former Auburn football coach turned U.S. Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) is now running to become that state’s next governor. Why? Because, in an appearance on Fox News eight months ago, Tuberville reminded voters that “I’m a football coach, I’m a leader, I’m a builder, I’m a recruiter. And we’re gonna grow Alabama.”
Tuberville probably hopes the “clock has run down” on voters who remember that, shortly after becoming senator, he couldn’t correctly name the U.S. government’s three branches.
Former NFL kicker Jay Feely’s website states he is ready to “kick Washington into shape” as he mounts a bid for an Arizona congressional seat. His campaign slogan is “tough on the field, tougher in Washington.”
Yes, kicking looks difficult. Kickers must contend with swirling winds, hostile fans and poor snaps. But has a kicker ever “doinked” one off the uprights because he wasn’t tough enough? Feely probably thinks so.
So if that’s what it takes to fill Durbin’s seat, then I’ll insert sports metaphors, specifically pickleball-related ones, into all my campaign ads and fundraising literature.
Please get out of the KITCHEN and join me!
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