I have come to the realization that my days of being first at anything have long passed.
I no longer run races, so “first across the finish line” is out. I have no desire to sleep outside my local Best Buy, hoping to get the first video game cell phone or DVD release. And I don’t feel physically fit enough to join the space program, so the “First Person on Mars” designation will have to go to somebody else.
But recently, I saw a chance to grab a “first” title, even though it was one I created: “First Person In My Social Media Circle To See ‘”Anchorman 2”.’
Every time a new, highly anticipated movie debuts, I vow to see it. But then my Facebook and Twitter feeds flood with posts and tweets from friends who beat me to the punch. They debate the movie’s strengths and weaknesses, quote lines of dialogue and, in general, ruin the anticipation of actually viewing it myself. Let’s face it, social media has all but ruined surprise movie endings. One of my favorite flicks, “The Sixth Sense,” wouldn’t have made half its box office had everybody been able to read tweets from the first showing:
“Bruce Willis is actually a dead person!” #oopssorryItoldyou
This movie would be different. For a change, it would be me posting my victory on line and then waiting for the Facebookcommunity to jealously respond, “That is so cool,” as if I’d cracked some secret code, when in reality all I’d done was purchase a ticket.
I hadn’t originally planned to turn “Anchorman 2” into “The Amazing Race.” I’m a longtime fan of the first movie but grew disgusted after enduring months of watching Paramountshamelessly hype the sequel by letting Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy character pop up in Dodge commercials, ESPN broadcasts and every talk show this side of Queen Latifah. Furthermore, “Anchorman 2” opened just a week before Christmas, a frantic time in any household, mine included. Free moments are spent sleeping, eating or snooping for hidden packages; a trip to the movies is out of the question.
Yet, by chance, I saw that my local theater was showing “Anchorman 2” a full day before it officially opened. It proved too irresistible. I asked my wife to join me and, as expected, received an “I’m-glad-one-of-us-has-nothing-to-do” look in response.
Arriving 40 minutes before the film started, I was indeed the first inside the theater. I sat in silence eating my $12 popcorn while sipping my $7 Diet Coke. Eventually other patrons filed in. Bored, I engaged a late 20s male in conversation.
“How come you’re here tonight?” I asked.
“I wanted to be the first to see this movie.”
“But you’re not. I’m first.”
“We’re both first since it’s the first showing.”
“But I got here before you. I’m first.”
“Whatever.”
Seniority established, I asked if seeing movies on opening night was normal for him.
“I see all the Marvel Comics movies, like ‘Ironman,’ on the first day,” he said.
“You’re not one of those people who dresses up like the characters, are you? Do you have any Harry Potter or Batman costumes in your closet?”
“No, I’m not one of them.”
Hearing our conversation, a female Texas A&M student, on holiday break, chimed in.
It’s an experience to see it first,” she said. “Especially when it’s a book made into a movie.”
Luckily, that was not the case with “Anchorman 2,” for that would mean boring people in print and on screen. In my opinion, the movie was awful, a consensus shared by most of the audience. Suddenly, I felt like the first person who bought the Sony Betamax, sipped New Coke or invested with Bernie Madoff.
I came home and fired up Facebook. “Just saw “Anchorman 2″. The ‘2’ stands for the number of times I laughed.” The responses poured in.
“Thanks for the heads up.”
“Just opened up my weekend.”
“Guess I’ll stay home tonight.”
I guess some positive came from this experience. For a brief shining moment I was known as “First to Save a Bunch of People 15 Bucks.”
(c) 2013 GREG SCHWEM. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC
