Annette Marie Westwood’s memory is sketchy when she recalls the moment she walked in on her husband having sex with a female co-worker.
“I do remember thinking she had really nice breasts,” Westwood said.
Westwood, 42, divorced her husband, forgave him, remarried him and divorced him a second time after another affair. Therapy followed. At one point Westwood and her therapist discussed the difference between recovering from divorce versus the death of a loved one.
“Divorce can be worse because, when somebody is dead, they can’t irritate you anymore,” Westwood said. “My neighbor’s husband died and everybody was bringing her casseroles. Meanwhile, my ex-husband was giving my belongings to the Goodwill. I kept thinking, ‘Where’s my f—-g casserole?'”
Now the Los Angeles singer/actress/former dental hygienist has parlayed her own marital pain – and yearning for hot oven dishes – into The Beverly Hills Eulogy. Dubbed a “boutique style, ‘Transition Eulogy’ service,” the year-old business is designed to give clients closure from traumatic events other than death while being pampered like a Kardashian. Although one client requested Westwood’s services after suffering a job loss, The Beverly Hills Eulogy specializes in divorce or separation from a philandering partner. The “Single Affair” package starts at $10,000; clients pony up $30,000 for the “Tiger Woods” package.
“That’s for people who have been cheated on multiple times and need a lot of hand holding,” Westwood said.
Clients begin their healing process via a one-on-one sit down with Westwood. Information is gleaned and ground rules established.
“The first question I ask is, ‘Did you have an affair?’ If the answer is ‘yes,’ I will kick you out.”
Then she presses for details, however sordid they might be. “I want to know what happened. If you are really sad, I recommend counselors because you aren’t ready,” said Westwood. “But if you are kind of stable, then we work with you.”
That means turning the client over to the Beverly Hills Eulogy’s staff. Tavi, a former Cirque du Soleil acrobat, is, in Westwood’s opinion, “the gay best friend everybody needs;” Shannon has that “lesbian mother presence,” and Shaun-Katherine holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology.
The trio do whatever they think is necessary. Shannon has been known to take clients kite flying; Tavi’s methods include pole dancing and yoga and Shaun-Katherine offers up her pet goats as therapy. Westwood steps in as well, recently accompanying a jilted spouse to a cemetery where the two drank wine and talked.
“It put things in perspective, “she said. “I told her, ‘You’re going to die so choose to be happy right now.'”
The packages always culminate in a celebration, usually done at the client’s home. Pets and children are forbidden. Westwood reviews the guest list – I tell them, ‘don’t invite people who might ruin the party,'” – invitations are distributed and a gift registry may even be created, full of trinkets from high end stores on Rodeo Drive or other Beverly Hills establishments.
“Nothing heals pain quicker than (Jimmy) Choo’s,” Westwood writes on the company website.
Much like a funeral eulogy, guests are encouraged to be funny and tell stories. One guest of honor, an artist, painted an upraised middle finger during her ceremony – “a gift to her ex-husband,” Westwood said, adding, “It really was a beautiful finger.”
Another client, an LA film producer who agreed to talk on condition of anonymity, plans to sing. She paid the Single Affair fee by selling her engagement ring for $12,000.
“What else am I going to do with it?” she said. “I don’t want to buy a new couch.”
Westwood’s unconventional healing methods have attracted the attention of reality television programmers including the Oxygen Network. While she listens to offers, she continues working with her, so far, all female clientele and searching for upscale LA venues that might want to host sendoffs for cheaters. The party is bound to include food, drink and maybe even a delicacy similar to one pictured on the company website:
A multi-tiered wedding cake with the bride and groom figurines turned upside down, their heads immersed in layers of frosting.
