Get in Line! Here’s How It’s Done
Welcome to the School of How to Correctly Form a Line. Please find your seats and let’s get started. I’d have you all line up, but clearly, you are incapable of doing that, which is why you have been ordered…
Category Greg’s Blog
My (hopefully) viral moment with Tiger Woods
My favorite part of the day is first thing in the morning when I open my various inboxes and social media accounts to see what landed there during the night. Typically the contents determine how I will approach the days…
Shed Those Pounds Through Sex and Vacuuming!
My wife was scrubbing what remained of the Easter dishes when I approached from behind, spun her around and planted a kiss on her lips. “Why, thank you,” she said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” I said nothing…
Much Ado About a Dead Terrorist
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST APRIL 3, 2013 Osama bin Laden is dead, right? The Navy SEALS took care of him. Didn’t they? I’m asking only because conflicting accounts are emerging as to how bin Laden died. Not that…
Solving the budget crisis through fine dining
I still vividly recall my mother’s parting words every time a childhood friend invited me over for a meal: “Always say please.” “Remember to say thank you.” “Under no circumstances, ever say, ‘I don’t like.’” “But what if Steve’s mom…
Wanted: New ‘Today Show’ hosts. Must be great kissers
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST MARCH 27, 2013 Whoa, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse at The Today Show, along comes Joe Hagan and his no-holds-barred New York Magazine profile of the program and its current “family.” And…
Suggestions for the new Papal website
I applaud Chicago attorney Chris Connors’ recent decision to donate the Internet domain name popefrancis.com to the new pontiff. While it’s not clear if church officials will accept Connors’ offer, they have said the pope will most definitely have a website and are currently…
Is the snow day bound for extinction?
I begin this week’s column with a philosophical question: If snow causes schools to be closed while the Internet is functional, is it still a snow day? I pondered this last week when the phone rang at 5:45 a.m., never…
Mark your calendar; a sports scandal is coming soon
I am a fervent March Madness viewer but am dreading this year’s NCAA basketball tournament for I fear the spectacle will be stained with controversy. I’m making my prediction based on the fact that the first two months of this…
A truly insane way to stay in shape
I recently returned from Las Vegas, a city that seems determined to punish nongamblers such as myself by charging exorbitant rates for everyday items. Among my transactions during a three-day visit: $7 for a Diet Pepsi, $8 for a Bud Light and $30 for a visit to…