The United Airlines ticket snafu is history but I still haven’t stopped feeling sorry for myself. I continue to curse my inability to be in the right place at the right time, specifically on United’s website for 15 minutes on September 12 when fares for most domestic United flights dropped to zero, save for a…
I am so disappointed in Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel. How dare he spend a recent weekend throwing five touchdown passes, rushing for 98 yards and nearly rallying his team from a 21-point deficit against Southeastern Conference foe Alabama. I was expecting so much more, particularly after CBS Sports revealed it would train a camera…
My wife was in the midst of pouring a bottle of Guinness Stout down the drain when I entered the kitchen. A second, empty bottle was in the garbage. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “Are you cheating on me?” “Whatever gave you that idea?” “Guinness Stout is the beer most preferred by men looking to…
Over beers one recent evening, my buddy Jim innocently broached a subject that, up until the 2007 Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman movie, was rarely bantered about publicly. “What’s on your bucket list?” he asked. “I don’t keep one,” I replied. “How come?” “Maybe because I just don’t want to think about putting a timetable on things…
Growing up, my father consistently relied on the same threat when he found fault with behavior or actions that displeased him. Fists balled and facial muscles contorted, he would vigorously shake a finger in my direction and scream, “You’re looking at a one-way ticket to the moon, buster!” tossing in a few muttered obscenities for…
TO: ALL PUBLIC SCHOOL PARENTS FROM: ALL PUBLIC SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENTS RE: SCHOOL SUPPLIES Greetings, parents! It’s hard to believe the new school year is upon us. It seems like only yesterday your children left for vacation and we began our annual summer ritual of slashing budgets, eliminating gifted programs, firing art and music teachers, and…
The elevator door opened and out stepped a middle-aged man, a teenage girl and a boy no older than 10. None were related but all shared one trait: a smartphone held inches from their nasal cavities and brows knit in extreme concentration. Had I been standing there wearing nothing but a fig leaf while holding…
Pope Francis recently completed his first international trip, a weeklong jaunt to Brazil that included adulation, spirituality and, if you were the pontiff’s chauffeur, utter embarrassment. Francis’ driver, you may have heard, took a wrong turn while transporting the pope to the Rio de Janeiro city center. Okay, Francis didn’t exactly end up in Peru–the driver merely…
It took only half a century, but at long last, I know a guy. For years I could only listen at block parties as my neighbors spoke glowingly of “the guy” who combined superior knowledge with cost savings one would only find at thrift stores. Ray knew a guy who was a wiz at fixing…
Summer means barbecuing, an activity that I recently discovered is wonderful for people with absolutely nothing else going on in their lives. I seriously thought 2013 would be the year my wife got a break from cooking between June 1 and Labor Day. She encouraged my desire to share the culinary duties, agreeing that it was time to…
