May the Force (of beer) Be With Disney Dads Always
While seated at Oga’s, I do not plan to loudly state my political views in slurred tones, lustily eyeball another patron’s wife, or question a Sith warrior’s manhood
This Labor Day, Get Rid of Whatever That Is
Refrigerators, I believe, outrank cupboards and pantries when it comes to storing items indefinitely. Over time they become a mishmash of assorted sauces, seasonings, condiments and oils, all with clearly marked, and clearly ignored, expiration dates.
Unicorns and Bigfoot Porn! What a summer!
The idea of having sexual trysts with another mythical creature, this one standing upright, covered in hair and otherwise known as “Sasquatch,” recently went mainstream when Virginia congressional candidate Leslie Cockburn accused her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, of an obsession with Bigfoot erotica.
My Family Will Help Me Take Alex Trebek’s Job
calmly explained the reasons I wanted Alex Trebek’s job: namely my love of trivia and my desire to, in an increasingly dumb-downed world, meet intelligent people
Drive Safely and Stop the Aging Process
Until now, obtaining a new license always meant a trip to the chaos-ridden Department of Motor Vehicles where, invariably, I get in the wrong line and must start over.
Lyft Driver, Put On Some Shoes!
I Googled “Is it illegal to drive barefoot?” It isn’t. All 50 states allow one to operate a moving vehicle in the same manner as Fred Flintstone.
After #PlaneBae, I Owe a Lot of Apologies
As the Twitter views, and interest, piled up, Blair and Hardaway reveled in their new stalker roles.
Cellphones, Shotguns and No Regrets from a Fed Up Southern Momma
As her three legally adopted teens, McKenzie, Ethan and Robbie, looked on, Smith obliterated a phone, perched on a nearby tree stump, with a single blast.
Conservatives, Here is Everything (currently) Ticking Me Off
I am equally outraged whenever a deranged individual with a high-powered weapon empties its contents anywhere, be it at a public high school, a gay nightclub, a house of worship, a country music festival; even an athletic field populated with legislators whose policies I disagree with.
Coffee and me: A not-so-storybook marriage
This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune June 26, 2018 Coffee and I fall in love, and break up, more than The Bachelor contestants. Each time I vow to flee forever from sweet-smelling, teeth-staining, breath-worsening joe, something pulls me back in. These separations have lasted for durations ranging from two weeks to five years. I’m currently…