“Let’s have a family meeting!” I yelled, repeating verbatim what the Salt Lake City father of six bellowed on the television. “I’m doing homework, Dad,” came the reply from my two daughters. “NOW!” I said, struggling to keep panic out…
I open the hotel room door, gaze at my temporary home and immediately wonder where they are. Are there any behind the bed? Will I have to pull the mattress away from the headboard to find them? Wait, here…
I have a few questions for every kid who rang my doorbell this past Halloween: Do you have any idea how to trick or treat? Do you even know what you’re supposed to do when I answer the bell? WHY…
My daughter burst through the front door, dropped her backpack, grabbed a handful of potato chips and flopped on the couch. A typical after-school entrance. I tepidly approached. “Any homework tonight?” “Mmmmm.” A typical after-school response. “Are you still carrying…
It is 8 inches high, 18 inches around, made of crystal, and, in my house, as dangerous as a loaded gun. It appears each year in mid-October and does not vanish until after Easter. It occupies the space between my…
I have a message for National Hockey League owners and players who are currently locked in yet another tussle that threatens to wipe out the entire season: Take all the time you need. The longer the strike, the more…
I have always taught my children to look for the good qualities in everybody. Be nice to people, I say. It’s okay to have lots of friends, I add. If you want others to like you, you need to like…
I dialed the number with my free hand. Unfortunately, the call didn’t kick to voicemail. “Hello?” “Hello, boss. It’s Greg Schwem. I can’t come in to work today.” “What’s the problem this time, Schwem?” “I have SNOT.” “We have Kleenex…
Neither Mitt Romney nor President Obama have embraced corporate comedian Greg Schwem's plan to save on grocery bills.
Ever caught a foul ball and been turned into a villain because of it? Corporate stand-up comedian Greg Schwem knows the feeling