Taking Charge of my Banana
In spite of my half century on earth, I still relish the chance to master new skills. My children do their best to expand my proficiencies; why, just the other day my 12-year-old taught me how to Photoshop beards…
Greg Schwem
Hi. I’m Greg Schwem. Business humor specialist, corporate emcee and the guy who the Chicago Tribune called “the king of the hill in the world of corporate comedy.” I’ve always believed the world doesn’t laugh enough. Sometimes we are afraid to laugh; other times we just don’t think it’s appropriate.
The Dearly Departed Now Lie In Your Spam Folder
My Facebook pal Jeannie received the email several weeks ago. A close friend passed away and the service was taking place the following day. Jeannie thought about sending a sympathy card, paying her respects in person, or otherwise reaching out…
If It’s March, Eat, Sing and Be Crafty
It’s nearly four months overdue but I wish to apologize to all my friends, associates, business acquaintances and President Obama for what can only be considered a total lack of oversight on my part. I was not aware that November…
What Is Jay Leno Doing Now That He’s Retired?
A chronology of Jay Leno’s first day as retired Tonight Show host: 3 a.m. Wake up and write down funny President Obama health care joke from dream. Pause. Crumble up paper and go back to bed. 6:30 a.m. Begin preparing list of interview…
Hey Oprah, I’m a Decent Plumber Too!
I don’t consider myself an equal to Oprah Winfrey. I don’t possess her charisma, her cell phone contact list or her billions. And I’m okay with that. We can’t all grow up to be talk show hosts, media moguls and…
Please, Please Stop Speaking Facebook
Imagine you’re at a party. Someone approaches and engages you in a one-sided conversation. It goes something like this: “Hi (YOUR NAME), haven’t seen you in awhile. Of course, I haven’t seen anybody, considering I just returned from my oceanfront…
Beware The Binge Watching House At The End Of The Street
This column originally appeared in The Huffington Post 1-8-14 I’d heard rumors about the small, dilapidated single-family structure at the end of my street. During the housing bust it sat vacant, weeds and trash littering the porch and surrounding lot.…
Who Are These Children in my Mailbox?
Before beginning that dreaded day spent packing up ornaments, vacuuming fallen pine needles, retangling Christmas lights and scouring the house unsuccessfully for that one missing gift receipt, I embark on a post-holiday tradition that becomes more depressing each year. I…
I’m Happy At the End of the Line
I have come to the realization that my days of being first at anything have long passed. I no longer run races, so “first across the finish line” is out. I have no desire to sleep outside my local Best Buy,…
Lady Gaga Will Outfit My Wife This Christmas
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST 12-10-13 Sometimes holiday gift ideas hit you at the strangest moments; in my case, it was during the recently televised American Music Awards. There I was in my recliner, half-watching the show…