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Monsters in My TV
With apologies to Shel Silverstein
One evening, with a cup of tea
I sat and turned on my TV.
I flipped to Channel twenty-three
And saw this beast called Hann-i-ty.
He brayed and foamed, quite literally
Each time he mentioned Hillary.
He scared me so, I thought to flee.
Who is this beast called Hann-i-ty?
He used big words, like Benghazi.
He blamed it all on Hillary.
“Vote Trump,” he snarled, it’s meant to be.
What say you, Mr. Giu-li-an-i?
Another beast, he did agree
No one should vote for Hillary.
This Rudy fiend, his head shiny,
Trafficked in con-spir-a-cy.
The Democratic nominee
She cannot serve, not physically.
She’s had a stroke, so claimed he.
A claim concurred by Hann-i-ty.
The beasts they roared, but I didn’t see
Because I really had to pee.
I locked the door, here I was free
From all the monsters in my TV.
But now they’re gone, I’m filled with glee.
I’m watching MSNBC.
Stopping by the Voting Booth on a Rainy Evening
With apologies to Robert Frost
What booth is this, I think I know
Housed at the local high school, so
It beckons me and draws me near
To cast my vote, in times of woe.
My wife, she really thinks I’m queer.
We’ve butted heads, nearly a year.
“Vote Trump,” she said, he’s not a fake.
President Trump? Now that I fear.
I give my voting hand a shake
And solely for the country’s sake.
Hillary, my support she’ll reap.
I hope I die, before I wake.
The booth is lovely, dark and big.
After today, up is the jig.
Mrs. Clinton must get the gig
But as Trump says, the votes are rigged.
Phenomenal Candidate
With apologies to Maya Angelou
Everyone wonders where his secret lies.
To Marco Rubio, he bragged of porn star size.
But when he starts to tell them
They’re sure he’s telling lies.
He says,
“It’s in my red ties,
My magnetic affect,
The silly golf caps,
The wall I’ll erect.
I am Trump.
Phenomenally,
Phenomenal candidate.
Vote me.”
He walks onto a stage
Just as cool as you please.
And to a man
Supporters stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they shout down, or punch
Those who would disagree.
He says,
“It’s my top rated TV show
And my incredible life,
The skyscrapers I’ve built
And my smokin’ hot wife.
I am Trump.
Phenomenally,
Phenomenal candidate.
Vote me.”
“Now you understand
Just why I’m sure I’ll win.
Why I scream over the din,
‘Make America great again!’
When you see me passing
Trailed by all of my kin,
I say,
‘It’s in my strangely orange mane,
My hair trigger fuse,
My media hate.
‘Cept for FOX interviews.
I am Trump.
Phenomenally,
Phenomenal candidate.
Vote me.’”
