Forgive the language used in this column. On second thought, don’t. I really don’t give an f-bomb.
You see, I think it’s time we admit the f-bomb, or “eff,” has secured its place in normal everyday language. Not that there was ever a contest. It just sort of…happened. Years ago, and I can’t put an exact time frame on it, we decided to sprinkle our sentences with ‘“like” when discussing everything from our daily schedules to our relationship woes. The same now holds true of the f-bomb.
Witness this conversation I overheard a woman — I’d place here around 25 — recite on her phone while aboard the subway one chilly Chicago afternoon:
“So we were supposed to, like, go hang out at this new coffee shop tomorrow. And then he was like, ‘I think I just want to stay home and watch the playoff games.’ And I was like, “Whatever. I really don’t give an eff.”
I surveyed the other passengers. There were no collective eyebrow raises or requests to “please watch your language. There are kids around.” I mean, what’s the effin point?
The F-Bomb Has Officially Entered Everyday Language
Today, politicians drop f-bombs during live interviews and press conferences, particularly when the subject is President Trump. There was Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey responding to the ICE agents who are either protecting or terrorizing his city, depending on your viewpoint.
“To ICE, get the eff out of Minneapolis. We do not want you here,” Frey said as a uniformed police officer stood behind him, expressionless.
Not to be outdone, Illinois governor J.B. Pritzker dropped the f-bomb during a speech to the Illinois Teachers Union while ticking off a list of proposed government cuts to public education.
“They want to turn classrooms into cultural war battlegrounds,” Pritzker said. “And I’m sorry to be vulgar but Donald Trump and his cronies can eff all the way off.”
The crowd erupted in raucous applause, something I guarantee never happened when my parents overhead me use “that word” in my teenage years. Suffice it to say, my weekend plans and my use of the family car were simultaneously “effed.”
Mind you, the president has not always been the focus of this country’s new favorite word. Philadelphia Eagles fans, including kids, showered San Francisco 49ers fans with beer cups and f-bombs prior to a Jan. 11 playoff game. Their efforts were for naught as the 49ers prevailed 23-19.
What becomes of these prepubescent f-bombers? Some grow up to be valedictorians or actresses who showcase their linguistic skills in speeches captured on social media.
The F-Bomb as Entertainment
There was UCLA grad Jamie Han apologizing for, but then dropping an f-bomb as she slammed the Trump administration’s immigration policies during her valedictory speech last June. Or “Adolescence” actress Erin Doherty, who included multiple f-bombs after winning a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress in a television series.
“I made a promise to my mum I wouldn’t swear but what the (f-bomb),” Doherty exclaimed while clutching her trophy. CBS sensors, perhaps anticipating Doherty’s propensity for swearing while receiving awards, pressed the ‘mute’ button upon hearing “promise” but inexplicably released it just as Doherty was uttering the word that prompted the button’s creation.
Rather than gasp, the Golden Globe audience laughed, proving once again that uttering an f-bomb now is viewed as entertainment.
So let’s stop being horrified by the f-bomb. Next time you’re at a restaurant, call over the effin waiter and ask what the effin specials are. Tip the server extra when he asks how the eff your meal was, presents you with the check and says, “I’ll take that up whenever the eff you’re ready. No effin rush.”
Head into work on Monday, tell your co-workers about your effin weekend and ask your boss why the eff he pushed up the deadline for the effin proposal. Maybe he’ll give you an extra day to complete the task. Thank him and remind him that this is why you enjoy working for this effin company. Compliment him on his effin sportcoat.
That would be, like, so effin appropriate.
