Moms Agree. Only Wine Can Save Toys R Us
Toys R Us is hiring for the holidays! Toys R Us is going bankrupt! President Trump said any Toys R Us employee who takes a knee in the stuffed animal aisle should be fired! OK, the third item is (presently)…
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Apple, It’s Time for the ‘Mom, Dad I Lost my iPhone’ Feature
How many iPhone revisions, updates and unveilings must I sit through before hearing the one feature every parent craves has finally become reality? “MDILMP,” also known as “Mom, Dad, I Lost My Phone.” Recently, I watched Apple CEO Tim Cook enthusiastically announce the new features on…
Do NOT Talk Politics While I’m Drinking with Jennifer Lawrence
In no particular order, here is my list of top three tangible items that should never be merged: —$2 chicken wings and a Fitbit —Octogenarians and Snapchat —Alcohol and anyone wanting to discuss politics The remainder of this column will…
The Big Fancy Refrigerator That Couldn’t
The shiny refrigerator sits in my kitchen, hovering over all the other appliances. It features an exterior water and ice dispenser, a digital control panel that allows me to choose whether I prefer my ice cubed or crushed, a crisper…
The Marijuana Farm Next Door
Seven years ago, my wife and I purchased a half-acre tract of land adjacent to our house, entering the topsy-turvy world of real estate investment. It was never our intention to build anything on the property, despite our neighbors’ suggestions…
Do Not “Lyft’ That Chalupa in My Car!
Every time I purchase a new car, I always vow that, unlike my previous vehicles, I will keep this one sparkling clean. Forever. I will hand buff its exterior with paste wax weekly, never mind the shoulder and rotator cuff…
Donald Trump Jr’s New LinkedIn Profile
Donald Trump Jr. may soon need a new job. Actually, including “new” in that sentence may be erroneous or, “fake news,” as his dad is fond of saying. You see, I’m not sure what our president’s namesake does for a…
On Second Thought, I’ll Leave My Cubs Shirt On
I arrived at the famed Wrigley Field bleachers on July 4 wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a Chicago Cubs jersey, the latter I planned to discard by the third inning. I left four hours later, the jersey spotted with mustard and reeking…
I Will Never Share My ‘Best Of’ List With You
A former Chicago Tribune reporter named Kevin Pang, who is now the food editor for entertainment website The A.V. Club., recently tweeted: “Confession: When I was a critic there were 2 restaurants in Chicago so good I kept to myself &…
I Just Can’t Wait to be King
Shocking news out of Great Britain last week, as Prince Harry confessed nobody in the royal family wants to be king or queen. My initial response was, “Blimey,” “balderdash,” “rubbish” and other assorted words Brits use to express shock and…