I Refuse to Shower with the EPA
As a frequent hotel guest, I used to look forward to flopping down on my freshly made bed, resting my head on up to four pillows and feeling, if only for one evening, that I had nestled into the lap…
Greg Schwem
Hi. I’m Greg Schwem. Business humor specialist, corporate emcee and the guy who the Chicago Tribune called “the king of the hill in the world of corporate comedy.” I’ve always believed the world doesn’t laugh enough. Sometimes we are afraid to laugh; other times we just don’t think it’s appropriate.
Presidential Candidates, Would You Accept This Rose?
President Obama may no longer be a candidate for public office, but you’d never know it judging by the recent White House schedule. Yes, it’s tradition to trade zingers with other politicians, as Obama did at the recent Gridiron Club…
Would You Like a Dictionary With Your Beer?
I grabbed a stool at the Madison, Wisconsin tavern. Even though the temperature hadn’t climbed above single digits all day, I had a cold beer on my mind. Gesturing to the numerous taps, I asked the bartender the draft selections.…
A Three Million Flyer Boards an Amtrak Train…
The diagnosis? A torn retina. The eye surgeon’s orders? Non-negotiable. No flying for three weeks. “But I have a show on the East Coast,” I pleaded. “Cancel it.” “Driving?” “Out of the question.” Long pause. “What about a … train?”…
Upon My Death, Please Continue to “Like” Me
My immediate family huddled on a couch in the funeral home’s parlor room. My wife and I held hands while my daughters stifled urges to check their cell phones. A box of tissues sat on the coffee table. None were…
Would Someone on this Train Please Tell me I’m Hot?
It takes very little to improve my mood during the dark, uneventful days of winter. Being recognized on social media always does the trick. I get positively giddy when someone “likes” my column on Facebook; a new LinkedIn request puts…
My Kids Have a “Monopoly” on my Wallet
When it comes to Monopoly, the French are having all the fun. And American parents, like myself, are envious. To mark the board game’s 80th anniversary, toymaker Hasbro, the game’s manufacturer, has loaded real money into 80 games and shipped…
Super Bowl Commercials You Didn’t See
Every Monday following a Super Bowl, I wake up feeling conflicted. Yes, guilt pangs coarse through my body following my decision to gorge myself on snacks with artery-exploding names like “Cheesy Buffalo Wing Layered Ranch Dip” even though I promised…
Time To Call the YouTube Cleaning Crew
I always reserve the dark early months of winter for some early spring cleaning. Maybe it’s because I’m on a roll after throwing out assorted Christmas boxes, gift wrap, decorative tissue and holiday lights that stopped working somewhere around December…
Bouncer, Please Remove that Songbird from the Bar
The next time you are traveling through Oregon and spot a zebra finch, or what non-ornithologists call “a bird,” it’s best to stay away. The creature may be drunk. In their attempts to understand the relationship between alcohol and speech…