“Good evening, and welcome to The Violet Lily Diamond Club. What can I get you to drink? A White Russian? Well, I could make you that, but here at VLD, we have an extensive craft cocktail menu. May I recommend something a little more bold, edgy and vibrant than the cocktail your parents drank? Great!
“How about an Afghan saffron horchata? It’s made, naturally, with Afghan saffron, green cardamom, vanilla bean, cinnamon, basmati rice, almond, nutmeg and a few other ingredients Noah, our senior mixologist, blended. Trust me, it will be the best Afghan saffron horchata you have ever tasted. I will make the drink right in front of you so you can witness the magic for yourself.
“First, I must pulverize the rice and then strain it through this triple-layered cheese cloth using a copper strainer. Some mixologists would skimp and use a stainless steel strainer, but that could lead to graininess; and, trust me, there is nothing worse than a grainy horchata! Now stand by while I add evaporated and condensed milk and then stick my finger in the mixture, twirl it ever so slightly and then lick it as if I were Gordon Ramsay.
“I’m sorry, I think it needs additional straining.
“There, that’s perfect. Now it must sit for five minutes in this specially designed refrigerator we purchased purely for storing horchata. But this will give me time to shave down these cinnamon sticks using a spice grinder. Plus I need to separate an egg, as I will need the egg white for extra froth.
“By the way, if you’re hungry, we do serve food at Violet Lily. Use the QR code. Also, I probably should have asked, but the Afghan saffron horchata contains tiger nuts. You’re not allergic, are you?
“Excuse me, I have to run in the back because it appears we are out of vanilla extract.
“OK, I’m back. Thank you for your patience. I know it looks like your craft cocktail is almost complete, but it’s not. We’re just teasing you. That’s what we do here at Violet Lily. Every time you think you’re actually going to get your cocktail, we pull it back because there is another obscure ingredient we will be adding. Why are you looking at your watch? Do you have somewhere to be? Horchatas take a little more time to produce. Heck, we soaked the rice all night just for your sipping pleasure. Please enjoy your loaded nachos in the meantime.
“Pardon me but I must taste again. I’ll use a different finger this time.
“Hmmmm, definitely needs more orgeat syrup. And the cardamom needs a few minutes to breathe.
“Now all I have to do is pour everything into this shaker, add a liberal amount of crushed sphere cubes and shake it exactly 375 times. Then I will pour it into this rocks glass and…LIGHT IT ON FIRE. Stand back.
“There, it’s done! But please wait for it to cool. Horchatas are best served icy cold. So, why did we add an open flame to your cocktail? Because now those two ladies at the end of the bar are intrigued and will probably each want one. That’s why we pulverized some extra rice. I just hope we don’t run out of green cardamom. One time that happened and, oh how I hate to admit this, we had to substitute BLACK cardamom. We got a two-star Yelp review as a result!
“You may now taste it. Isn’t it amazing? Doesn’t it taste EXACTLY like a $7 White Russian that I could have whipped up in 45 seconds, but ever so slightly different? That’s what I thought.
“That will be $37.50.”
