Loyal readers, if any of you hear of an entry-level job in pile driving, I have a request.

DM me. ASAP.

At 62, I have little interest in pounding large foundational supports for bridges and other construction projects into frozen soil. But my retirement portfolio could use a boost. Pile driving could net me some fast and additional income, particularly since the profession is one of only 36 job categories out of 1,016 that had no overlap with Artificial Intelligence. In other words, AI won’t drive piles better, faster or more efficiently than humans. For now anyway.

I gleaned this information while reading Co-Intelligence: Living and Working with AI, a fascinating book by Wharton School business professor Ethan Mollick. In his efforts to teach readers how to use AI tools effectively, Mollick cites data from Edward Felten, Rob Seamans and Manav Raj, economists at Princeton, New York University and the University of Pennsylvania respectively. In March 2023 the trio authored “How Will Language Modelers Like ChatGPT Affect Occupations and Industries?”

If you’re a telemarketer, better start looking for another profession, as that occupation landed at number one among jobs that AI could easily replace. Of course, I bet most telemarketers are always seeking other employment. I just can’t believe someone is, as I write this, donning a headset, preparing to call a stranger at dinnertime with information about supplemental medical insurance plans and thinking, “This is EXACTLY how I want to spend the rest of my life!”

I’m Funnier than AI. Right?

I am a full-time standup comedian, a job one would think is safe from AI. But, as I have noted in past columns, AI wants to be a comedian too. Emails and social media posts constructed with AI’s help often come with “make it funny” prompts, enticing the user to discover AI’s sense of humor. Indeed, Mollick notes, “AI overlaps most with the most highly compensated, highly creative and highly educated work.”

I’d put “comedian” in the “creative” category. Most of us are poorly compensated. As for education, we chose to become comedians. Not a particularly intelligent decision.

Mollick goes on to say the occupations least affected by AI involve physical labor. The study from Felten and his colleagues backs that up. If my pile driving career doesn’t work out, the world will always need terrazzo workers, fence erectors, oil and gas roustabouts and slaughterers (of meat, not humans).

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For now, my goal is to get quickly hired as a pile driver. I fired up ChatGPT and, following Mollick’s advice, wrote a very specific query:

“Please tell me how to rewrite my resume if my goal is to be a 62-year-old pile driver with no pile driving experience but a strong desire to learn the tools of the trade?”

Within seconds, ChatGPT roared to life.

“If you’re aiming to become a pile driver at 62 with no direct experience but a strong willingness to learn, your resume should highlight transferable skills, physical readiness, and a commitment to training,” it suggested.

Does Pile Driving have Flexible Hours?

Transferable skills? I could make my fellow pile drivers laugh. Physical readiness? I play pickleball twice a week. Commitment to training? I assume most pile driving occurs in daytime, which leaves my evenings open for comedy gigs.

ChatGPT went on to say that I should list any skills that involved tools, construction, machinery or physical labor. Oh, and I should also be prepared to acquire OSHA 10 or 30 certification, whatever that means.

The latter may interfere with the pickleball games.

I closed ChatGPT and called my financial advisor. Instead of a second career, maybe it was time to pad my portfolio with more aggressive investments. He promised to look into some, but I’m not sure I will ever hear from him again.

No, he’s not retiring; but he, too, may soon be seeking pile driving work.

While telemarketer is the number one replaceable occupation, the Felten et al. study also listed the top INDUSTRIES most exposed to AI. Guess what came in at number one?

“Securities, commodity contracts, and other financial investments and related activities.”