The document arrived on fancy Illinois state letterhead, opening with a word I’d never heard a government official utter to me personally: “Congratulations!”
Had I won the lottery? I always thought it was me who had to notify the state of any newfound riches, as opposed to the other way around. That’s how it works when I walk into the convenience store waving a winning two dollar scratch off ticket. Or filing my taxes. Still, my heart rate quickened as I read on.
“As a safe driver, you are currently eligible to renew your driver’s license via internet, phone or mail, and receive your new driver’s license in the mail.”
The last eight words of that sentence were underlined, as if the Illinois secretary of state thought it would be a major source of excitement for me to sit on my driveway and breathlessly await the postal carrier’s arrival, like a 10-year-old boy waiting for a new baseball glove from Amazon.
Until now, obtaining a new license always meant a trip to the chaos-ridden Department of Motor Vehicles where, invariably, I get in the wrong line and must start over. Renewing online seemed as easy as, well, renewing online. I looked at my current license, issued in September 2014. My hair was darker and bushier, my face slightly thinner. I’m five pounds heavier than the listed weight but, thankfully, haven’t shrunk. Still 6 feet even.
In the past four years, the photo has been scrutinized by countless airport security officials, a few bartenders I showered with large tips for questioning whether I was indeed 21, and one police officer who lectured me on the difference between a “rolling stop” and a “stop” before letting me off with a warning.
I wasn’t unhappy with the photo. But, as I pulled up the auto renewal website, I found myself questioning my desire to stare at the same picture for another four years. I’d be 59 before the next renewal notice. My occupation requires me to always have current publicity photos on hand, which means seeking out a photographer every 18 months and saying, “You can airbrush the double chin, right?” But I’ve grown accustomed to looking at myself in the present, as opposed to the past. In fact, I prefer it.
Upon posing the “renew your license picture or keep the old one” question to my Facebook friends, it appears I’m in the minority.
“I kind of like keeping the same photo,” said longtime friend Alf. “Kind of like a reverse ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray.’ We keep aging but our driver’s license photo doesn’t.”
“In Georgia, licenses are for 10-year renewal periods and I continue to look early 50s marvelous,” added Dan.
College friend Hugh shared my belief that an old photo is not always a better photo.
“I had mine done 10 years ago on a Saturday morning after a night out,” he recalled. “Looks like a Nick Nolte mug shot. Have had to live with it ever since, and it screams, ‘You have to check this guy out’ every time I get pulled over. Can’t wait for October to roll around. I will go to bed early the night before the DMV.”
High school chum John suggested an interesting alternative: vanity driver’s license photos.
“For an extra fee, you can submit your favorite headshot from a recent wedding, business function, reunion, concert, etc.” he said.
I liked the concert idea, envisioning a police officer staring intently at my vanity license photo and saying, “Hey, is that Kenny Chesney in the background? I LOVE that guy. You’re free to go.”
The flipside? A country music-hating cop who would write me up and take his sweet time doing it.
After much internal debate, I elected to go the online renewal route and remain content with my 2014 self. Perhaps the photo will serve as incentive to watch my weight and exercise more, hoping to keep that “youthful” 51-year-old look.
Also, I like listing my hair color as “brown” as opposed to “gray.”
