As a longtime Oprah Winfrey fan, I am imploring Nashville Metro Councilwoman-at-large Sharon Hurt not to follow through on her latest brainchild.
Hurt recently approached the Nashville Airport Authority and suggested Winfrey’s name be added to the airport’s title, thereby becoming known as the Oprah G. Winfrey Nashville International Airport. But we know the traveling public would never refer to it by its full name, and therein lies the problem: How to honor this historic woman without turning her name into a punch line. Because, face it, there is no easy, non-comical way to tell someone you’re “flying out of Oprah.”
I posted Hurt’s idea on my Facebook page and my community of inappropriate friends was only too eager to add their own one-liners:
“Because of the storm, I may be spending the night in Oprah.”
“If you fly to Knoxville, you pass right over Oprah.”
“Unless you fly Southwest, it’s no longer cheap to get into Oprah.”
And that’s just the passengers. Imagine a pilot trying to say, without giggling, “Ladies and gentlemen, the tower just informed us that Oprah is really backed up.”
I attempted, without success, to reach Councilwoman Hurt via email, and plead my case. So far, her request has garnered little traction. The airport authority informed Hurt that Winfrey did not meet the requirements of an individual whose name could be slapped on the side of a public building, specifically because the talk show queen has not been deceased for at least two years. Other cities have no such rules. Houston renamed its airport in honor of George H.W. Bush in 1997. For 11 years, up until his death on Nov. 30, the nation’s 41st president could tell his travel agent to book a non-stop flight “in and out of me.”
Winfrey’s relationship with Nashville is tenuous at best. She attended high school and college in Music City and worked briefly as a news anchor there, but she certainly did not make her mark in a town that launched so many country music careers. When I think of Nashville, I think of legends like Hank Williams and Johnny Cash, both of whom are, in fact, dead and therefore eligible for building naming status. I would have no qualms texting my wife about a three-hour layover in “Hank” or “The Man in Black International.” But telling her I’m “stuck in Oprah for the time being”? Different story.
As a frequent flier, I’ve flown out of numerous airports named after politicians — Kennedy, Reagan, LaGuardia and de Gaulle come to mind — and long to visit others named after non-political celebrities. Why fly to London’s Heathrow when I could begin the trip by snapping a selfie at Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport? And who cares if my luggage gets lost somewhere in Austria? If that means spending a few hours in Salzburg’s W.A. Mozart Airport, so be it. I’m sure the music playing in the terminal would be nothing short of heavenly.
Which brings us back to Winfrey. If Hurt’s request is somehow approved, airport officials need to do everything possible to ensure travelers passing through Oprah that they are truly in the presence of this entertainment icon. Suggestions include:
—Painting the airport the color purple.
—Placing “Tom Cruise” couches throughout the terminal and allowing travelers to jump on them. First class passengers only, please.
—Have gate agents announce the arrival of an incoming aircraft by pointing at waiting passengers and screaming over the loudspeaker, “You get a plane, you get a plane, you get a plane…”
Happy travelers would board their flights and, as they ascended into the Nashville sky, aim their phones toward the windows, snap one final picture, post it to their Instagram pages and include an appropriate caption:
“Stunning view of Oprah.”
