Four years ago, I became intrigued with, and wrote about, Mars One, a space exploration project that seeks to establish a permanent human settlement on the Red Planet.
Anyone can apply to be an astronaut, providing they are OK with never returning to Earth. That’s right — the Mars One journey is a one-way ticket. My initial column focused on half-seriously suggesting this would be a perfect opportunity for my, at the time, 16-year-old daughter, who I had labeled “the world’s leading authority on everything Earth-related.” (Note: A few years have passed, and she has become more open to ideas other than her own. I thereby rescind her application.)
Details about Mars One’s status are sketchy, but its website appears active, as are its social media accounts. Submissions to become an astronaut are, according to the site, currently closed; the first round of candidates has been whittled to 100, but the website promises more applications will be considered, and more astronauts selected, before the initial launch in 2031. So far Mars One organizers have raised $1 million, a far cry from the estimated $6 billion needed to fund the mission. Then again, it is only 2017.
If this all sounds far-fetched, let’s pause for a moment and remember what we are dealing with on Earth, specifically this country:
–A president who throws paper towels, basketball-style, into a crowd of desperate hurricane survivors.
–That same president still insisting that Mexico should, and will, pay for a 700- to 900-mile wall, separating it from the USA.
–A supposedly pro-life congressman forced to resign after allegedly encouraging his mistress to have an abortion.
–Another mass shooting, carried out with firearms readily available to anyone adept at filling out forms and producing proper identification.
This is why I think the Mars One selection committee should brace for a tremendous surge of applicants who care not a whit about exploring the planet’s volcanoes, impact craters and polar ice caps, but who simply want to start over. I’m preparing my application now. I have good blood pressure, decent eyesight, I’m free of any psychiatric disorders (that I know of), and I have, as the requirements state, “normal range of motion and functionality in all joints.” That may not be the case in 2031, but if I continue my thrice-weekly workout regimen, my joints should respond accordingly.
If chosen, I will cede exploration duties to younger and stronger Mars inhabitants. Instead, I will remain inside one of the ground stations, organizing a new system of government; one that should have been used in America but, sadly, was never given a chance: Majority rules. And everyone votes, not just a few elected officials.
Think about it, with Majority Rules in this country, we would have another president, rendering the towel tossing incident nonexistent. Perhaps a defeated Donald Trump would have applied for Mars One astronaut status by now, although he most likely would have been tripped up in round three of the selection process. Candidates must, the website states, exhibit “problem solving and creativity skills” and “clarity and relevance of communication.”
Thanks, Mr. Trump. We’ll call you.
On the other hand, disgraced former Pennsylvania Congressman Tim Murphy would make a fine Mars One candidate. Mars could certainly use someone with a clinical psychology background, and after the recent revelations surrounding his personal life, I’m sure he’d jump at the chance for a change of scenery. Provided his wife doesn’t also apply.
With Majority Rules firmly in place on Mars, it would be more difficult, if not impossible, to purchase high-powered weaponry since the majority of civilization supports, and in America’s case yearns for, stricter gun laws. Sadly, in our country, those wishes have fallen on deaf ears.
I’d draft the Extraterrestrial Climate Accord, limiting our new planet’s role in global warming. Enacting it would require a simple, you guessed it, majority vote. I’m sure it would pass since seven out of 10 Americans supported remaining in the Paris Agreement, according to a survey conducted by the Yale Program on Climate Communication. Alas, President Trump withdrew from the deal last June.
I would cite a Pew Research study that found 62 percent of Americans don’t want a border wall with Mexico as reason to avoid constructing any type of wall on Mars.
If you agree that a simple majority may be the best way to run a country, or a planet, get your application in to the Mars One project and help me push the “reset” button on humanity.
Then go hit the gym and work on your joints.
