I yawned as I read the subject line in my inbox, this email courtesy of Jewel-Osco, my local grocery store. “We love hearing from our customers!” Like anyone who has made a recent retail purchase, be it kumquats, hemorrhoid cream…
Janine, the spin class instructor, breezed into the room, mounted her bike and greeted the already sweating class with her normal Saturday morning salutation. “Is everybody ready to WORK?” Mumbles and groans abounded. A few raised thumbs signaled that at…
The yowling started shortly after I folded myself into seat 6C on the Southwest flight from Washington, D.C., to Chicago. It was coming from 6D or, specifically, under 6D, where emotional support animals congregate. “She’s mad at me,” said the…
Don’t expect anyone to pick up your dinner check in Foley, Alabama. Nestled at the southern tip of the state served by Senators Tommy “I haven’t actually read the Constitution” Tuberville and the now infamous Katie “My kitchen has no…
“Good evening, and welcome to The Violet Lily Diamond Club. What can I get you to drink? A White Russian? Well, I could make you that, but here at VLD, we have an extensive craft cocktail menu. May I recommend…
It was somewhere around 2005. I was at the Miami airport, about to jump into a cab that would take me to Miami Beach for a corporate speaking engagement. A striking looking brunette, late 20s, asked if she could share…
There are currently 7.8 billion people roaming this earth, of which, by my own estimates, 7.7 billion are in therapy. Which explains why I cannot find a therapist. My soon-to-be ex-wife is in therapy; my kids are in therapy; my…
The January snow totals, and accompanying deep freeze, have left me with three thoughts: Global warming is still a ways off. Even while sitting in a private box and wearing a knit hat to watch her boyfriend catch passes in…
In May 2023, while in the early stages of a life change, I made the decision to live a minimalist existence, also defined as, “purge crap from my life.” Gone were most contents of a 4,400-square-foot house; kept was, well,…
Forget weight loss. My 2024 New Year resolves to sound um…wait, uh…the word is on the tip of my tongue…sound… Smarter. Time is of the essence; right now, some 13-year-old with an artificial intelligence voice cloning tool is probably doing…