THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST MAY 22, 2013 “Attention gentlemen, this initiation meeting of the Male Golfers are Pigs Society is now officially in session. Grab a beer from the keg and let’s begin. As you know, golf season is in full swing — that was a pun. Get it? —…
Each week I begrudgingly sift through my spam email folder, verifying that nothing of importance inadvertently landed there. Occasionally I get a surprise e.g. MR. SCHWEM PLEASE CONTACT THE SCHOOL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. That one went undiscovered for three days; luckily the school nurse also has my cell number. Not only does scanning the…
I sat my daughter down for one of those heart to heart Dad talks that invariably begin with five simple words: “Stop looking at your phone.” Mission accomplished I pressed onward. “Vacation begins in a month honey. Now that you’re 16, have you thought about a summer job?” “Absolutely,” she replied, much to my amazement.…
It appears iconic Wrigley Field, home of a baseball team that hasn’t won a World Series since text messaging was performed via carrier pigeon and smoke signals, is finally going to look like a normal ballpark. Cubs owner Tom Ricketts recently forged a deal with Chicago officials to renovate the crumbling structure and include, among…
Welcome to the School of How to Correctly Form a Line. Please find your seats and let’s get started. I’d have you all line up, but clearly you are incapable of doing that, which is why you have been ordered to attend this one-day seminar that covers a single concept: standing between two people and…
My favorite part of the day is first thing in the morning when I open my various inboxes and social media accounts to see what landed there during the night. Typically the contents determine how I will approach the days and weeks ahead. Which is why you will soon see me competing in the Masters…
My wife was scrubbing what remained of the Easter dishes when I approached from behind, spun her around and planted a kiss on her lips. “Why thank you,” she said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” I said nothing but continued the facial romance, tightening my grip as she tried to pull away. After…
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST APRIL 3, 2013 Osama bin Laden is dead, right? The Navy SEALS took care of him. Didn’t they? I’m asking only because conflicting accounts are emerging as to how bin Laden died. Not that any of this should matter because, after all, he is no longer alive. When President…
I still vividly recall my mother’s parting words every time a childhood friend invited me over for a meal: “Always say please.” “Remember to say thank you.” “Under no circumstances, ever say, “I don’t like.’” “But what if Steve’s mom serves asparagus? Or Brussels sprouts?” I would ask. “Doesn’t matter,” she invariably replied. “Saying ‘I don’t like’…
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST MARCH 27, 2013 Whoa, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse at The Today Show, along comes Joe Hagan and his no-holds-barred New York Magazine profile of the program and its current “family.” And I thought the Honey Boo Boo clan was dysfunctional. In spite of Hagan’s observation…
