My Dog Fetches…To a Fault
Lately my dog has been spending a lot of time watching CNN. This is not by choice; she is not an avid cable television news viewer, although she has been known to snarl any time Don Lemon appears onscreen. Her…
Category Greg’s Blog
The Day Tim Cook Forgot His Password
It was kept hush-hush but several months ago, Apple CEO Tim Cook lay on an emergency room gurney, holding a compress to his head. The lump on his temple bore a stark reminder of that unfortunate treadmill mishap. A physician…
I Need the Springsteen Workout
Greg Schwem is a corporate comedian and syndicated humor columnist whose work appears weekly in the Chicago Tribune and the Huffington Post The personal trainer looked me up and down, mentally taking notes before deciding what my body could handle over…
Penthouse Forum Freshman, Who Are You?
Confusion briefly reigned in the publishing world last week when reports surfaced that Penthouse magazine, a purveyor of sex and nudity for more than 50 years, would cease its print edition. Or would it? Penthouse officials quickly backtracked, saying accounts…
Please Call Me on my Flashlight (aka my iPhone)
The party was in full swing by the time my Uber driver pulled up to the non-descript Chicago supper club on West Kinzie Street, appropriately named Untitled. I shook off the sub-zero wind chill, eventually made it through the registration…
All I Wanted for Christmas Was a Drone
Funny comedian and top corporate comedian Greg Schwem requested a drone aircraft for Christmas and was severely disappointed
Gift Card Strip Poker and Other Post-Holiday Games
The National Retail Federation recently estimated that 2015 holiday gift card sales will reach nearly $26 billion. By my own calculations, that means the world’s 7.3 billion inhabitants will each have about $3.50 to spend on a gift of their…
My Emoji Tolerance Has Reached Its (insert red flame here) Point!
Together, my wife, daughters and I hung the final ornament on the tree then stepped back to admire our handwork, a tradition that also includes reflecting on those long ago, seemingly simpler times. “Remember when we used to decorate Christmas…
Move Along, Porch Pirates; Nothing Worth Stealing Here
While viewing a daily roundup of the country’s top trending news topics, I heard a California TV reporter utter what might possibly be the biggest oxymoron of the holiday season: “Sophisticated porch pirates.” Ever since Christmas enter the cyber age,…
Please Set my Hygiene to Auto Renew
There seems to be a growing army of online businesses convinced that I am neglecting my personal hygiene. But with the help of UPS and other package delivery services, my woes will soon be over. First it was Dollar Shave…