Everyone Should Know a Guy
It took only half a century, but at long last, I know a guy. For years I could only listen at block parties as my neighbors spoke glowingly of “the guy” who combined superior knowledge with cost savings one would…
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Dinner Will Be Served When The Sun Comes Up
Summer means barbecuing, an activity that I recently discovered is wonderful for people with absolutely nothing else going on in their lives. Barbecuing outside is also a great way to make dinner more fun and relaxing during the warmer months.…
Beware Apple Genius Bar Employees! My Mother Approaches
I have frequented numerous Apple stores around the country but, because I do not have employee status, have never seen a back office, stock room or break area. Should this occur, I’m convinced I would also observe a grainy, black-and-white…
Is this Hollywood, California or Hollywood, Florida?
Almost every single morning, I fire up my computer to see the release of some new study whose results could easily be summed up in one word: Really? Thanks, University of Manitoba, for your study concluding that people who are…
“Finding Hoffa:” A New Reality Show
Another search for Jimmy Hoffa ended recently, with federal authorities once again facing the cameras to say what has become commonplace since the ex-Teamsters’ boss disappeared back in 1975: no, they didn’t find Hoffa’s remains or anything that would lead…
When Seeking Knowledge, Look No Further than YouTube
An ominous gurgling emanated from the toilet, which meant I had only minutes to act before water and Lord-only-knows-what-else cascaded over the bowl and onto the floor. I grabbed my smartphone and did the obvious: Call a plumber? No. Email…
Starbucks Children: One Shot Chocolate, One Shot Annoying
The Starbucks was buzzing, which was to be expected considering it was just after 8:30 a.m. Still, the line moved swiftly, and within moments, the only customers ahead of me were a woman and her preschool-aged son. She ordered first.…
Standup Comedy is Not Welcome Here
I am issuing a challenge to our nation’s stand-up comedians. Before you accept, I suggest you call, email, text, and tweet the best joke writers you know because you’re going to need them. Ready? Here’s your task: Make somebody laugh…
The Clothes Iron: Our Tech-Savvy World’s Most Neglected Device
My room contained everything one would expect in a five-star property: terrycloth robes emblazoned with the hotel’s logo, slippers precisely placed at the foot of the bed and enough fluffy towels to dry all exposed body parts individually, if that’s…
Rules of the Road from the DOD (Department of Dad)
I have dreaded this day ever since she got her driver’s permit. It’s one thing to let your daughter drive slowly around the neighborhood with her dad in the passenger seat, repeating, “Slow. Slow. SLOW!!!” It’s another to see her…