There is apparently a new cabinet position at the White House, one created and filled in secret, but whose occupant is starting to make his or her presence known. Of course, I’m talking about the Secretary of Twitter. Does anyone seriously believe President Obama himself has time to tweet? His recent lunch with Mitt Romney…
I groggily looked at the alarm clock, which registered 2:30 a.m. Time to get up and honor a commitment I apparently made to my 15-year-old-daughter less than six hours earlier: Drive her and her friends to Black Friday sales. I have served as chauffeur for countless sporting events, school dances, movies and the like. But…
“Let’s have a family meeting!” I yelled, repeating verbatim what the Salt Lake City father of six bellowed on the television. “I’m doing homework, Dad,” came the reply from my two daughters. “NOW!” I said, struggling to keep panic out of my voice. “A biological terror attack is imminent! Forget homework.” It was the last…
I open the hotel room door, gaze at my temporary home and immediately wonder where they are. Are there any behind the bed? Will I have to pull the mattress away from the headboard to find them? Wait, here are two on the nightstand and a third affixed to the bedside reading lamp. Moving…
I have a few questions for every kid who rang my doorbell this past Halloween: Do you have any idea how to trick or treat? Do you even know what you’re supposed to do when I answer the bell? WHY DIDN’T I JUST SHUT THE DOOR IN YOUR CONCEALED FACE? OK, before everybody thinks I’m…
My daughter burst through the front door, dropped her backpack, grabbed a handful of potato chips and flopped on the couch. A typical after-school entrance. I tepidly approached. “Any homework tonight?” “Mmmmm.” A typical after-school response. “Are you still carrying an ‘A’ in physics?” “Unfortunately, yes.” “Unfortunately?” “Don’t get used to it Dad. By Christmas…
It is 8 inches high, 18 inches around, made of crystal and, in my house, as dangerous as a loaded gun. It appears each year in mid-October and does not vanish until after Easter. It occupies the space between my home office and my bathroom; I pass it at least six times a day, more…
I have a message for National Hockey League owners and players who are currently locked in yet another tussle that threatens to wipe out the entire season: Take all the time you need. The longer the strike, the more time I have to convert my wife to golf. I am a hockey husband, married…
I have always taught my children to look for the good qualities in everybody. Be nice to people, I say. It’s okay to have lots of friends, I add. If you want others to like you, you need to like them, I conclude. Facebook, however, disagrees. Just ask Itheria Hutson-Hollins, a 57-year-old, Dallas-based wedding planner…
I dialed the number with my free hand. Unfortunately, the call didn’t kick to voicemail. “Hello?” “Hello, boss. It’s Greg Schwem. I can’t come in to work today.” “What’s the problem this time, Schwem?” “I have SNOT.” “We have Kleenex in the office. I’ll put a box on your desk. See you at 8.” “No,…
