A chronology of Jay Leno’s first day as retired Tonight Show host: 3 a.m. Wake up and write down funny President Obama health care joke from dream. Pause. Crumble up paper and go back to bed. 6:30 a.m. Begin preparing list of interview…
I don’t consider myself an equal to Oprah Winfrey. I don’t possess her charisma, her cell phone contact list, or her billions. And I’m okay with that. We can’t all grow up to be talk show hosts, media moguls, and…
Imagine you’re at a party. Someone approaches and engages you in a one-sided conversation. It goes something like this: “Hi (YOUR NAME), haven’t seen you in awhile. Of course, I haven’t seen anybody, considering I just returned from my oceanfront…
This column originally appeared in The Huffington Post 1-8-14 I’d heard rumors about the small, dilapidated single-family structure at the end of my street. During the housing bust it sat vacant, weeds and trash littering the porch and surrounding lot.…
Before beginning that dreaded day spent packing up ornaments, vacuuming fallen pine needles, retangling Christmas lights, and scouring the house unsuccessfully for that one missing gift receipt, I embark on a post-holiday tradition that becomes more depressing each year. I…
I have come to the realization that my days of being first at anything have long passed. I no longer run races, so “first across the finish line” is out. I have no desire to sleep outside my local Best Buy,…
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST 12-10-13 Sometimes holiday gift ideas hit you at the strangest moments; in my case, it was during the recently televised American Music Awards. There I was in my recliner, half-watching the show…
I am a purist at holiday time. That means I always have the final say when choosing the family Christmas tree, always carve the holiday bird and always stand on a rickety ladder while hanging lights from front yard trees…
Redbox, you owe me $1.20. Make it easy on yourself and pay up. Now. Credit my Visa, ceremoniously present me with an oversized cardboard check or instruct a UPS driver to toss 120 pennies on my front lawn. I rented…
Before heading out the door, I gave my wife a goodbye kiss. Rather than reciprocate, she recoiled. “Ouch. Would you please shave?” “Can’t do that, honey,” I replied. “Not until the end of Movember.” “You mean NO-vember. Your lip hair…