Imagine you’re at a party. Someone approaches and engages you in a one-sided conversation. It goes something like this: “Hi (YOUR NAME), haven’t seen you in awhile. Of course, I haven’t seen anybody, considering I just returned from my oceanfront timeshare on Maui. Hey, you won’t believe what happened. I was on the deck, grilling a…
This column originally appeared in The Huffington Post 1-8-14 I’d heard rumors about the small, dilapidated single-family structure at the end of my street. During the housing bust it sat vacant, weeds and trash littering the porch and surrounding lot. But almost overnight, the abode sprang to life. Faint, bluish glows flickered in various windows;…
Before beginning that dreaded day spent packing up ornaments, vacuuming fallen pine needles, retangling Christmas lights and scouring the house unsuccessfully for that one missing gift receipt, I embark on a post-holiday tradition that becomes more depressing each year. I gather all the Christmas card photos we received in the mail and slowly peruse them,…
I have come to the realization that my days of being first at anything have long passed. I no longer run races, so “first across the finish line” is out. I have no desire to sleep outside my local Best Buy, hoping to get the first video game cell phone or DVD release. And I don’t…
THIS COLUMN ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE HUFFINGTON POST 12-10-13 Sometimes holiday gift ideas hit you at the strangest moments; in my case, it was during the recently televised American Music Awards. There I was in my recliner, half-watching the show with my family, one finger anxiously hovering over the remote’s mute button in anticipation of…
I am a purist at holiday time. That means I always have the final say when choosing the family Christmas tree, always carve the holiday bird and always stand on a rickety ladder while hanging lights from front yard trees as neighbors watch from their windows and, via text messages, place bets on the duration…
Redbox, you owe me $1.20. Make it easy on yourself and pay up. Now. Credit my Visa, ceremoniously present me with an oversized cardboard check or instruct a UPS driver to toss 120 pennies on my front lawn. I rented a movie from your kiosk but left empty-handed. Ever purchased a Snickers from a vending…
Before heading out the door, I gave my wife a goodbye kiss. Rather than reciprocate, she recoiled. “Ouch. Would you please shave?” “Can’t do that, honey,” I replied. “Not until the end of Movember.” “You mean NO-vember. Your lip hair is affecting your speech.” I corrected her correction. “Movember. It’s a campaign to raise awareness…
My kids’ Halloween candy had barely gone stale before the first Christmas controversy roared into town, innocently enough in the form of a Hallmark ornament. The greeting card giant, you may have heard, received flak for trying to be tooooo politically correct, hence its idea to change the lyrics of a certain Christmas carol before…
Congratulations! You have successfully logged on to healthcare.gov, the official website of the Affordable Care Act. When all the site’s glitches are fixed, hopefully by Nov. 30 (year unknown), the act will revert to being called “Obamacare.” Until then, it’s the Affordable Care Act. Or, if technical difficulties worsen, “Boehnercare.” Got that? Let’s begin. To better understand…
