The diagnosis? A torn retina. The eye surgeon’s orders? Non-negotiable. No flying for three weeks. “But I have a show on the East Coast,” I pleaded. “Cancel it.” “Driving?” “Out of the question.” Long pause. “What about a … train?”…
My immediate family huddled on a couch in the funeral home’s parlor room. My wife and I held hands while my daughters stifled urges to check their cell phones. A box of tissues sat on the coffee table. None were…
It takes very little to improve my mood during the dark, uneventful days of winter. Being recognized on social media always does the trick. I get positively giddy when someone “likes” my column on Facebook; a new LinkedIn request puts…
When it comes to Monopoly, the French are having all the fun. And American parents, like myself, are envious. To mark the board game’s 80th anniversary, toymaker Hasbro, the game’s manufacturer, has loaded real money into 80 games and shipped…
Every Monday following a Super Bowl, I wake up feeling conflicted. Yes, guilt pangs coarse through my body following my decision to gorge myself on snacks with artery-exploding names like “Cheesy Buffalo Wing Layered Ranch Dip” even though I promised…
I always reserve the dark early months of winter for some early spring cleaning. Maybe it’s because I’m on a roll after throwing out assorted Christmas boxes, gift wrap, decorative tissue and holiday lights that stopped working somewhere around December…
The next time you are traveling through Oregon and spot a zebra finch, or what non-ornithologists call “a bird,” it’s best to stay away. The creature may be drunk. In their attempts to understand the relationship between alcohol and speech…
At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, I have a message for all superstar rock groups fronted by charismatic lead singers who are thinking about crashing my daughter’s wedding. Back off. This announcement became necessary after I watched the…
Somewhere in one of this world’s four hemispheres there lies a land mass void of a human populace but littered with cardboard UPS boxes, puffy FedEx mailer envelopes and baskets stuffed with now inedible holiday delicacies. You won’t find this…
Santa’s elves received the email this week as their boss loaded his sleigh. The message was so ominous, no subject line was needed: We, the Guardians of Christmas Present (GOCP) have successfully hacked Santa’s gift list. We are aware of…