A well-known joke has a man applying for a retail sales job and insisting to the manager that he can sell anything to anybody. “Prove it,” the skeptical manager responds, nodding to a customer who has just entered the establishment.…
I have a request, no, a plea, to cell phone manufacturers and software developers obsessed with phone memory. Please stop. You are the primary cause of an annoying disease I refer to as “scrolliosis.” Those who suffer from it, and…
It’s not the first time I have tried to obtain a better shape via attractive sounding nutritional titles. I strode into a vitamin store recently and walked out with something called “Serious Mass.” It’s a product that, judging by the physiques of other guys buying it, would make my neck the size of my thighs.
I have recently begun answering those “how did we do?” customer satisfaction surveys that flood my inbox mere seconds after communicating with a service agent. Sometimes the agent warns me of the impending email and even suggests how I…
“Hello! Thank you for downloading our app, which requires a password, is guaranteed to take up valuable memory on your phone and ensure that, if you ever have a problem with our company, you now have the tools to solve…
I recently bought an Apple Watch, and now there’s a small part of me that hopes I get knocked unconscious in a forest. It might be the only way I can justify the expense. I owe my $400 purchase to…
Aw, heck, let’s just work one day a week. I mean, we’re all overstressed, burned out, mentally exhausted and up in arms that receiving paychecks requires us to do something other than attend spin classes whenever we feel like it.…
I have vowed to make 2022 the year I learn a second language, a goal I will achieve for purely selfish reasons. I should already be bilingual, as it would place me in the company of, by some estimates, more…
The elves gathered around their home monitors at 2:40 p.m., per Santa’s emailed instructions. Unable to congregate in the main workshop or communicate face to face with their boss since COVID-19 struck the North Pole in March 2020, they wearily…
When it comes to visiting New York City, my trip doesn’t officially end until I have strolled through Central Park, regardless of the temperature or the condition of my feet. I have walked alone and with friends who call New…
A picture of the four guys, with looks ranging from “We will physically beat up any struggling student” to “We don’t really need the money, do we?” accompanied by the tagline: “MasterClass | Metallica Teachers Being a Band,” was too intriguing to pass up.
My wife and I have no plans to conceive another child for two reasons: our advanced baby making ages and the fact that I don’t want my new son or daughter to have a friend named “Squid Game.” The oddly…
World, I’m warning you: I am now gluten free. So if you see me, walk the other direction. You will thank me later. Then again, I probably won’t see you. Chances are, I’ll be squinting at a food ingredients label…
Hi, Instagram! It’s Andrew. I have some, how should I say, personal news. But before I get into that, please “like” my page” and also follow me on YouTube, Twitter, Snapchat and TikTok. Oh, and I’ll have more details about…
As fall beckons, I am beginning my yearly quest to shed those summer pounds using any method save the most obvious: Eat less food. I’ve heard the process of shoving fewer calories into my mouth produces wonderful results. Newly svelte…