The crypto, or should I say cryptic, headline caught my eye as I scrolled the morning newsfeed following a getaway weekend in Phoenix: “If You Invested your Three Stimulus Checks in Bitcoin, Dogecoin or Ethereum, Here’s How Much You’d Have Now.” It is nearly impossible to have a conversation with anyone with even limited investment…
DetailsI’ll admit it: I’m a great eavesdropper. A professional eavesdropper even. I’ve elevated myself to the pro ranks. Not only is my hearing excellent when I’m within the vicinity of your cellphone conversation or public banter, but I will go to great lengths to be near you if I feel I’m going to overhear something…
DetailsEight girls, all in their early 20s and adorned with “Birthday Babe” T-shirts, frolicked along the Savannah, Georgia, riverfront amid the city’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration. “Who’s the birthday girl?” yelled Savannah Mayor Van Johnson, interrupting an interview he was conducting with me. “This one!” they yelled, pointing to one girl holding a pink beverage.…
DetailsAs I sit down to write this column on an early morning Saturday in March 2021, one thing is for certain: I’m not cleaning the bathroom this weekend. No, bathroom cleaning takes place on the weekends that I’m not producing approximately 650 words of, hopefully, humor. So, two Saturdays a month, I write; two Saturdays…
DetailsThank you, Ted Cruz, for making it even more difficult to plan my next vacation. By now, everyone with electricity and Wi-Fi — two luxuries still missing for thousands in the Texas senator’s home state — are aware of Cruz’s spontaneous decision to flee to the Ritz-Carlton in Cancun, Mexico for a family getaway, leaving…
DetailsBack in 2018, when he was happily cancer free, the late Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek announced he was pondering retirement. Immediately I began polishing my resume. In an earlier column, I pleaded with executives at Sony Pictures Television, distributors of the popular quiz show, to consider an unknown host for the role. Specifically, me. Someone…
DetailsThe hardware store employee approached, noting the confusion on my face. It’s a look that just happens naturally the moment I enter any store that smells of lumber. “What can I help you find today?” he said. “The Diet Coke button,” I said. “Excuse me?” I repeated my request, glancing at my watch while doing…
DetailsJanuary is always the month where I say I’m going to change my eating habits — for good as opposed to for 48 hours. That usually involves finding an app that will guide me through the slimming process. I like this method because, when I don’t see results, I can blame it on my phone…
DetailsThis time next year, anyone landing in Texas may be faced with a very long walk through the airport, a journey that culminates in a large room and an interview with a suspicious Texas ranger who demands to know just what you’re planning to do in the Lone Star state. Ditto for anyone attempting to…
DetailsI sincerely apologize to anyone who hoped to make a Thanksgiving dish featuring cream cheese and could not locate any at nearby grocery stores. It was all at my house. The thousands of cream cheese-driven calories I consumed was a not-so-new Thanksgiving tradition but this year it was the result of turning nearly…
DetailsAt the risk of being excoriated by Illinois public health officials, I have just extended an invitation to my out-of-town relatives to join me for a lavish Thanksgiving feast. They can even stay through Christmas if they like, COVID-19 be damned. Of course, this is all dependent on how fast Amazon can deliver their accommodations…
DetailsPolitical campaigns have finally come to a much-needed end; and yet, no politician ever promised to rid this country of one of its most pressing nightmares: celebrities on social media announcing how they are dealing with the pandemic. Since lockdown began, our Instagram, Twitter and TikTok feeds have been glutted with movie star A or…
Details
