Redbox, you owe me $1.20. Make it easy on yourself and pay up. Now. Credit my Visa, ceremoniously present me with an oversized cardboard check or instruct a UPS driver to toss 120 pennies on my front lawn. I rented a movie from your kiosk but left empty-handed. Ever purchased a Snickers from a vending…
DetailsBefore heading out the door, I gave my wife a goodbye kiss. Rather than reciprocate, she recoiled. “Ouch. Would you please shave?” “Can’t do that, honey,” I replied. “Not until the end of Movember.” “You mean NO-vember. Your lip hair is affecting your speech.” I corrected her correction. “Movember. It’s a campaign to raise awareness…
DetailsMy kids’ Halloween candy had barely gone stale before the first Christmas controversy roared into town, innocently enough in the form of a Hallmark ornament. The greeting card giant, you may have heard, received flak for trying to be tooooo politically correct, hence its idea to change the lyrics of a certain Christmas carol before…
DetailsCongratulations! You have successfully logged on to healthcare.gov, the official website of the Affordable Care Act. When all the site’s glitches are fixed, hopefully by Nov. 30 (year unknown), the act will revert to being called “Obamacare.” Until then, it’s the Affordable Care Act. Or, if technical difficulties worsen, “Boehnercare.” Got that? Let’s begin. To better understand…
DetailsI wish for my children to be losers. There, I said it. Quick point of clarification: I don’t want them living at home in their late 30s, unemployed, aimlessly channel surfing and looking at me when the Cheetos bag is empty. That’s what the teen years are for. But considering I just spent two hours…
DetailsNow that the federal government has reopened, the nation’s bills are being paid and everybody in Washington is making nice until January 15 when America may run out of money again, it’s nice to know some politicians can still work together and serve their constituents’ best interests. Take Montana for instance, one of only four…
DetailsIt’s back to the drawing board at the Transportation Security Administration now that a 9-year-old boy has figured out how to circumvent the screening process. On October 3, the troubled youth successfully bypassed TSA security at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport and hopped a Delta flight to Las Vegas, becoming the latest chapter in a long…
DetailsA dose of humility can go a long way, particularly when you’re Bill Gates. The Microsoft co-founder and Harvard dropout recently made a startling admission during an appearance at his almost alma mater when he declared the Control+Alt+Delete function used to reboot PCs was a mistake. Okay, Gates blamed the keyboard move — which requires…
DetailsThe United Airlines ticket snafu is history but I still haven’t stopped feeling sorry for myself. I continue to curse my inability to be in the right place at the right time, specifically on United’s website for 15 minutes on September 12 when fares for most domestic United flights dropped to zero, save for a…
DetailsI am so disappointed in Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel. How dare he spend a recent weekend throwing five touchdown passes, rushing for 98 yards and nearly rallying his team from a 21-point deficit against Southeastern Conference foe Alabama. I was expecting so much more, particularly after CBS Sports revealed it would train a camera…
DetailsMy wife was in the midst of pouring a bottle of Guinness Stout down the drain when I entered the kitchen. A second, empty bottle was in the garbage. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “Are you cheating on me?” “Whatever gave you that idea?” “Guinness Stout is the beer most preferred by men looking to…
DetailsOver beers one recent evening, my buddy Jim innocently broached a subject that, up until the 2007 Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman movie, was rarely bantered about publicly. “What’s on your bucket list?” he asked. “I don’t keep one,” I replied. “How come?” “Maybe because I just don’t want to think about putting a timetable on things…
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