My preparation is nearly complete: I have been building up strength in my index finger by moving it back and forth in a horizontal motion countless times daily. I utter “hashtag” aloud whenever possible. When my children ask who I’m talking to, I put the aforementioned finger to my lips, silencing them while I continue…
DetailsThe wake was beautiful. Fresh flowers littered the temporary dais; a steady stream of mourners came and went, shivering in the garage while filing past the remains. I stood next to my recently departed companion, holding back tears as well-wishers hugged me and offered words of encouragement. “How wonderful that it waited until spring to…
DetailsClad in a tuxedo, the young man dotingly eyed my daughter as she walked slowly toward him. When they met, he took her hand while I looked into his eyes and firmly said, “Take care of my little girl.” And then, following a flurry of photos, they were off to prom. Welcome to high school…
DetailsIn spite of my half century on earth, I still relish the chance to master new skills. My children do their best to expand my proficiencies; why, just the other day my 12-year-old taught me how to Photoshop beards and moustaches onto pictures of middle school teachers! But I have grown weary of hearing…
DetailsMy Facebook pal Jeannie received the email several weeks ago. A close friend passed away and the service was taking place the following day. Jeannie thought about sending a sympathy card, paying her respects in person, or otherwise reaching out to the deceased’s family. There was just one small problem. “I wish I knew who…
DetailsIt’s nearly four months overdue but I wish to apologize to all my friends, associates, business acquaintances and President Obama for what can only be considered a total lack of oversight on my part. I was not aware that November was National Critical Infrastructure Security and Resilience Month. How could I have been so stupid?…
DetailsA chronology of Jay Leno’s first day as retired Tonight Show host: 3 a.m. Wake up and write down funny President Obama health care joke from dream. Pause. Crumble up paper and go back to bed. 6:30 a.m. Begin preparing list of interview topics for cable repair guy, when he visits home later today. 8 a.m. Drive the long,…
DetailsI don’t consider myself an equal to Oprah Winfrey. I don’t possess her charisma, her cell phone contact list or her billions. And I’m okay with that. We can’t all grow up to be talk show hosts, media moguls and worldwide celebrities. But I do think I’m on level ground with her when it comes…
DetailsImagine you’re at a party. Someone approaches and engages you in a one-sided conversation. It goes something like this: “Hi (YOUR NAME), haven’t seen you in awhile. Of course, I haven’t seen anybody, considering I just returned from my oceanfront timeshare on Maui. Hey, you won’t believe what happened. I was on the deck, grilling a…
DetailsThis column originally appeared in The Huffington Post 1-8-14 I’d heard rumors about the small, dilapidated single-family structure at the end of my street. During the housing bust it sat vacant, weeds and trash littering the porch and surrounding lot. But almost overnight, the abode sprang to life. Faint, bluish glows flickered in various windows;…
DetailsBefore beginning that dreaded day spent packing up ornaments, vacuuming fallen pine needles, retangling Christmas lights and scouring the house unsuccessfully for that one missing gift receipt, I embark on a post-holiday tradition that becomes more depressing each year. I gather all the Christmas card photos we received in the mail and slowly peruse them,…
DetailsI have come to the realization that my days of being first at anything have long passed. I no longer run races, so “first across the finish line” is out. I have no desire to sleep outside my local Best Buy, hoping to get the first video game cell phone or DVD release. And I don’t…
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