The United Airlines ticket snafu is history but I still haven’t stopped feeling sorry for myself. I continue to curse my inability to be in the right place at the right time, specifically on United’s website for 15 minutes on…
I am so disappointed in Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel. How dare he spend a recent weekend throwing five touchdown passes, rushing for 98 yards and nearly rallying his team from a 21-point deficit against Southeastern Conference foe Alabama. I…
My wife was in the midst of pouring a bottle of Guinness Stout down the drain when I entered the kitchen. A second, empty bottle was in the garbage. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “Are you cheating on me?” “Whatever…
Over beers one recent evening, my buddy Jim innocently broached a subject that, up until the 2007 Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman movie, was rarely bantered about publicly. “What’s on your bucket list?” he asked. “I don’t keep one,” I replied. “How…
Growing up, my father consistently relied on the same threat when he found fault with behavior or actions that displeased him. Fists balled and facial muscles contorted, he would vigorously shake a finger in my direction and scream, “You’re looking…
TO: ALL PUBLIC SCHOOL PARENTS FROM: ALL PUBLIC SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENTS RE: SCHOOL SUPPLIES Greetings, parents! It’s hard to believe the new school year is upon us. It seems like only yesterday your children left for vacation and we began our…
The elevator door opened and out stepped a middle-aged man, a teenage girl and a boy no older than 10. None were related but all shared one trait: a smartphone held inches from their nasal cavities and brows knit in…
Pope Francis recently completed his first international trip, a weeklong jaunt to Brazil that included adulation, spirituality and, if you were the pontiff’s chauffeur, utter embarrassment. Francis’ driver, you may have heard, took a wrong turn while transporting the pope to the…
It took only half a century, but at long last, I know a guy. For years I could only listen at block parties as my neighbors spoke glowingly of “the guy” who combined superior knowledge with cost savings one would…
Summer means barbecuing, an activity that I recently discovered is wonderful for people with absolutely nothing else going on in their lives. Barbecuing outside is also a great way to make dinner more fun and relaxing during the warmer months.…
I have frequented numerous Apple stores around the country but, because I do not have employee status, have never seen a back office, stock room or break area. Should this occur, I’m convinced I would also observe a grainy, black-and-white…
Almost every single morning, I fire up my computer to see the release of some new study whose results could easily be summed up in one word: Really? Thanks, University of Manitoba, for your study concluding that people who are…
Another search for Jimmy Hoffa ended recently, with federal authorities once again facing the cameras to say what has become commonplace since the ex-Teamsters’ boss disappeared back in 1975: no, they didn’t find Hoffa’s remains or anything that would lead…
An ominous gurgling emanated from the toilet, which meant I had only minutes to act before water and Lord-only-knows-what-else cascaded over the bowl and onto the floor. I grabbed my smartphone and did the obvious: Call a plumber? No. Email…
The Starbucks was buzzing, which was to be expected considering it was just after 8:30 a.m. Still, the line moved swiftly, and within moments, the only customers ahead of me were a woman and her preschool-aged son. She ordered first.…