Somewhere in one of this world’s four hemispheres there lies a land mass void of a human populace but littered with cardboard UPS boxes, puffy FedEx mailer envelopes and baskets stuffed with now inedible holiday delicacies. You won’t find this secretive location on any atlas or globe; Google Maps will offer no assistance. Even shuttle…
DetailsSanta’s elves received the email this week as their boss loaded his sleigh. The message was so ominous, no subject line was needed: We, the Guardians of Christmas Present (GOCP) have successfully hacked Santa’s gift list. We are aware of who’s been naughty and nice. We have Santa’s itinerary for the 24th and hold in…
DetailsKudos to the artists who quickly filled in for U2 frontman Bono at the recent World AIDS Day event in New York City. Billed on the band’s website as “U2 minus one,” the quickly announced concert featured Bruce Springsteen and Coldplay’s Chris Martin joining The Edge, Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton onstage and singing tunes…
DetailsI am sneezing in between paragraphs, coughing at the completion of each sentence and wiping my bloodshot eyes as I proofread this column. I see no need to visit the doctor, for I know this horrible cold will pass. The symptoms always dissipate approximately one week after I have attended a wedding. I don’t know…
Details“Hello, you’ve reached the Christie residence. This is Governor Chris Christie. Nobody is home right now but please leave a message and we’ll call you back.” (BEEP) “Uh, Governor Christie? This is the Father’s Day/Mother’s Day Council calling. We’re the organization that honored you as a ‘Father of the Year’ on June 4 in New…
DetailsAnnette Marie Westwood’s memory is sketchy when she recalls the moment she walked in on her husband having sex with a female co-worker. “I do remember thinking she had really nice breasts,” Westwood said. Westwood, 42, divorced her husband, forgave him, remarried him and divorced him a second time after another affair. Therapy followed. At…
DetailsI often wonder what it would be like to meet that guy from the beer commercials, dubbed the “World’s Most Interesting Man.” Would we discuss politics? Cooking? Opera? Definitely not opera because that’s a subject I know nothing about and, out of boredom, he would probably leave with that posse of women who accompany him…
DetailsI approached the reception desk at the large, Chicago-based technology firm, paper bag in hand. The receptionist greeted me warmly. “May I help you, sir?” “Yes. Are you currently hiring?” “We are indeed. Would you like to fill out an application?” “First, I’d like to learn about benefits,” I said. “Well, I can’t speak for…
DetailsI recently took a business trip to Poznan, Poland, a city renowned for having the world’s longest street names. If you don’t believe me, please visit the historic Poznan Town Hall district. Simply head south on Aleje Marcinkowskiego and hang a left on Paderewskiego. When you hit Wroclawska, you’ve arrived. I have always prided myself…
DetailsMy daughter sat on her bed, awash in a sea of glossy college brochures filled with photos of smiling sorority girls, strapping football players and freshmen chemistry students who, judging by their joyful expressions, had just cured the Ebola virus. “Made a decision yet?” I asked. “This is so hard,” she said. “Choosing a college…
DetailsBy now the iPhone 6, named for the six mile line of customers waiting to purchase it, has hit Apple stores around the country. And, as with previous versions, I am watching from the sidelines, unwilling to convert until someone confirms the presence of the only feature that I feel matters on a new phone.…
DetailsI am tired of having my heart broken online. That is not the statement of a jilted Match.com individual, for I have never explored Internet dating and therefore don’t know what it’s like to be dumped mid-chat or have a potential relationship snuffed out because the object of my cyber-affection unexpectedly logged off. (I don’t…
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