President Obama may no longer be a candidate for public office, but you’d never know it judging by the recent White House schedule. Yes, it’s tradition to trade zingers with other politicians, as Obama did at the recent Gridiron Club banquet in Washington. But, prior to that, perhaps in an effort to refine his comedic…
DetailsI grabbed a stool at the Madison, Wisconsin tavern. Even though the temperature hadn’t climbed above single digits all day, I had a cold beer on my mind. Gesturing to the numerous taps, I asked the bartender the draft selections. “Maibock, Lady Luck, Fat Squirrel, Nightfall, Snug Oatmeal Stout and Golden Booty,” she rattled off.…
DetailsThe diagnosis? A torn retina. The eye surgeon’s orders? Non-negotiable. No flying for three weeks. “But I have a show on the East Coast,” I pleaded. “Cancel it.” “Driving?” “Out of the question.” Long pause. “What about a … train?” “I’ll allow that. Bring a companion, just in case.” So, with my temporarily worthless American…
DetailsMy immediate family huddled on a couch in the funeral home’s parlor room. My wife and I held hands while my daughters stifled urges to check their cell phones. A box of tissues sat on the coffee table. None were needed. Not yet. A kind-looking man emerged from a small office. “Greetings, Mr. and Mrs.…
DetailsIt takes very little to improve my mood during the dark, uneventful days of winter. Being recognized on social media always does the trick. I get positively giddy when someone “likes” my column on Facebook; a new LinkedIn request puts a broad smile on my face, even as I prepare to encase it in a…
DetailsWhen it comes to Monopoly, the French are having all the fun. And American parents, like myself, are envious. To mark the board game’s 80th anniversary, toymaker Hasbro, the game’s manufacturer, has loaded real money into 80 games and shipped them all over France for some lucky French game buyers to find. It’s an ingenious…
DetailsEvery Monday following a Super Bowl, I wake up feeling conflicted. Yes, guilt pangs coarse through my body following my decision to gorge myself on snacks with artery-exploding names like “Cheesy Buffalo Wing Layered Ranch Dip” even though I promised myself before kickoff that I would eat, at most, one bowl of turkey chili and…
DetailsI always reserve the dark early months of winter for some early spring cleaning. Maybe it’s because I’m on a roll after throwing out assorted Christmas boxes, gift wrap, decorative tissue and holiday lights that stopped working somewhere around December 14. Most likely it’s because there is nothing else to do when you live in…
DetailsThe next time you are traveling through Oregon and spot a zebra finch, or what non-ornithologists call “a bird,” it’s best to stay away. The creature may be drunk. In their attempts to understand the relationship between alcohol and speech impairment, researchers at Oregon Health and Science University recently chose to ply the birds with…
DetailsAt the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, I have a message for all superstar rock groups fronted by charismatic lead singers who are thinking about crashing my daughter’s wedding. Back off. This announcement became necessary after I watched the viral video for Maroon 5’s new single, Sugar, featuring the band invading nuptials all over…
DetailsSomewhere in one of this world’s four hemispheres there lies a land mass void of a human populace but littered with cardboard UPS boxes, puffy FedEx mailer envelopes and baskets stuffed with now inedible holiday delicacies. You won’t find this secretive location on any atlas or globe; Google Maps will offer no assistance. Even shuttle…
DetailsSanta’s elves received the email this week as their boss loaded his sleigh. The message was so ominous, no subject line was needed: We, the Guardians of Christmas Present (GOCP) have successfully hacked Santa’s gift list. We are aware of who’s been naughty and nice. We have Santa’s itinerary for the 24th and hold in…
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