For most of my adult life I have been searching for that perfect verbal defense. A go-to excuse that, once uttered, abruptly ends the conversation, forcing all divergent parties into silence or, even better, agreement. I discovered it the night of October 1. Four simple words that I hope to use up until November 4…
DetailsMy 53rd birthday celebration nearly complete, I unwrapped the final package as my wife and daughters looked on. I had asked for only one gift and now there it sat, ready for deployment. The NutriBullet Pro. More than just a blender, the NutriBullet is, according to its website, “the ideal tool for health-conscious individuals looking…
DetailsI waited patiently on hold while my scheduled 9:30 a.m. radio interview became 9:35, then 9:40. Finally, Cincinnati radio host Kathryn Raaker’s producer interrupted the silence. “Kathryn is just finishing up with another guest,” she said. “Then you’re on.” At 9:47 a.m. Raaker introduced me to her listening audience, briefly mentioned the book I was…
DetailsOur nation’s scandals are beginning to sound markedly similar, not in the fallout or the parties involved, but in the suffix attached to them: “Gate.” Let’s see, with football season upon us, the New England Patriots continue to play under the “Deflategate” cloud, coined for Tom Brady’s alleged penchant to underinflate any footballs that touch…
DetailsAs the self-appointed spokesman for all dads who recently sent their first born off to college, I have a message for whoever is in charge of university rankings: Please stop. Our kids are now firmly entrenched in their dorm rooms; classes at most universities are in full swing, football players are already being suspended for…
DetailsIn the spirit of worldwide collaboration, I am imploring McDonald’s to reconsider the “McWhopper” overture. By way of full page ads in The New York Times and Chicago Tribune, Burger King recently floated the idea of merging the ingredients in the chains’ most renowned burgers for a single day, in a parking lot halfway between…
DetailsCorporate humorist and author Greg Schwem is so excited to finally have Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ email address
DetailsBefore the next Republican presidential debate, I suggest the sponsors hop a plane to London and share a beer with Matthew Kempton. In late 2014, the 34-year-old app developer, together with his partners James Mitchell and Tom Ollerton, created 3UP, a mobile messaging app that limited communication to three words. The concept made even 140-character…
DetailsIt’s high time we returned to a more primitive, cheaper and safer method of swapping sensitive information: the Post-it Note. Originally, I thought of reverting to the “double swear” method as in, “Double swear that you’ll never tell anyone I wanted the footballs under-inflated”, or “Double swear that you won’t reveal our cell phone eavesdropping…
DetailsFor a week I sat in a lawn chair next to our mailbox, waiting for the sound of the U.S. Postal truck. Or UPS. I didn’t care who delivered it. But the wait was unbearable. “Not today,” our mail carrier said as she handed me an armload of back-to-school catalogues, casino invitations and a property…
DetailsCelebrity Apprentice fans, don’t despair. Yes, your favorite show might be on hiatus now that NBC has severed its relationship with Donald Trump. But, should the apocalypse occur and The Donald becomes our nation’s 45th chief executive, expect to see the program return … to the White House. This seems like a natural move…
DetailsI think I’ve been duped by the Discovery Channel. Maybe Steven Spielberg too. I was one of the millions that helped give the cable network’s recently completed Shark Week ferocious ratings. I spent the week wondering if my lifelong dream to retire to an oceanfront condo was a good idea after watching, among other offerings, Super Predatorr…
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