Our nation’s scandals are beginning to sound markedly similar, not in the fallout or the parties involved, but in the suffix attached to them: “Gate.” Let’s see, with football season upon us, the New England Patriots continue to play under the “Deflategate” cloud, coined for Tom Brady’s alleged penchant to underinflate any footballs that touch…
DetailsAs the self-appointed spokesman for all dads who recently sent their first born off to college, I have a message for whoever is in charge of university rankings: Please stop. Our kids are now firmly entrenched in their dorm rooms; classes at most universities are in full swing, football players are already being suspended for…
DetailsIn the spirit of worldwide collaboration, I am imploring McDonald’s to reconsider the “McWhopper” overture. By way of full page ads in The New York Times and Chicago Tribune, Burger King recently floated the idea of merging the ingredients in the chains’ most renowned burgers for a single day, in a parking lot halfway between…
DetailsCorporate humorist and author Greg Schwem is so excited to finally have Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ email address
DetailsBefore the next Republican presidential debate, I suggest the sponsors hop a plane to London and share a beer with Matthew Kempton. In late 2014, the 34-year-old app developer, together with his partners James Mitchell and Tom Ollerton, created 3UP, a mobile messaging app that limited communication to three words. The concept made even 140-character…
DetailsIt’s high time we returned to a more primitive, cheaper and safer method of swapping sensitive information: the Post-it Note. Originally, I thought of reverting to the “double swear” method as in, “Double swear that you’ll never tell anyone I wanted the footballs under-inflated”, or “Double swear that you won’t reveal our cell phone eavesdropping…
DetailsFor a week I sat in a lawn chair next to our mailbox, waiting for the sound of the U.S. Postal truck. Or UPS. I didn’t care who delivered it. But the wait was unbearable. “Not today,” our mail carrier said as she handed me an armload of back-to-school catalogues, casino invitations and a property…
DetailsCelebrity Apprentice fans, don’t despair. Yes, your favorite show might be on hiatus now that NBC has severed its relationship with Donald Trump. But, should the apocalypse occur and The Donald becomes our nation’s 45th chief executive, expect to see the program return … to the White House. This seems like a natural move…
DetailsI think I’ve been duped by the Discovery Channel. Maybe Steven Spielberg too. I was one of the millions that helped give the cable network’s recently completed Shark Week ferocious ratings. I spent the week wondering if my lifelong dream to retire to an oceanfront condo was a good idea after watching, among other offerings, Super Predatorr…
DetailsPhil Lesh and Bob Weir, stop unpacking. Mickey Hart and Bill Kreutzmann, put your instruments back on the truck. Cease counting the millions you made from your supposedly final Grateful Dead shows in Chicago this past weekend. You have one more concert to play. And, this time, I will most definitely be dancing among the…
DetailsWhen it comes to trust, I sympathize with Brian Williams. The former NBC anchor has been on a whirlwind tour of late, apologizing to every living organism except his houseplants and vowing to never again insist he was present when the Declaration of Independence was signed. Critics reporting on Williams’ fall consistently reference statistics…
DetailsI took up cycling several years ago after reading multiple scientific studies concluding that the simple act of repetitive clockwise leg movement while hunched over and struggling to breathe (my definition of cycling) improves memory and concentration while reducing stress and anxiety. This being science, researchers no doubt spent astronomical hours and federal grant monies…
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