I yawned as I read the subject line in my inbox, this email courtesy of Jewel-Osco, my local grocery store. “We love hearing from our customers!” Like anyone who has made a recent retail purchase, be it kumquats, hemorrhoid cream or a caramel macchiato, I’ve grown weary of the barrage of “How did we do?/Give…
DetailsJanine, the spin class instructor, breezed into the room, mounted her bike and greeted the already sweating class with her normal Saturday morning salutation. “Is everybody ready to WORK?” Mumbles and groans abounded. A few raised thumbs signaled that at least some participants eagerly awaited 45 minutes of torture. “I made an oldies playlist for…
DetailsThe yowling started shortly after I folded myself into seat 6C on the Southwest flight from Washington, D.C., to Chicago. It was coming from 6D or, specifically, under 6D, where emotional support animals congregate. “She’s mad at me,” said the woman occupying 7D, gesturing to the flowered bag nestled on the floor between her and…
DetailsDon’t expect anyone to pick up your dinner check in Foley, Alabama. Nestled at the southern tip of the state served by Senators Tommy “I haven’t actually read the Constitution” Tuberville and the now infamous Katie “My kitchen has no appliances” Britt, the city of 22,000-plus was recently named by Travel + Leisure magazine as…
Details“Good evening, and welcome to The Violet Lily Diamond Club. What can I get you to drink? A White Russian? Well, I could make you that, but here at VLD, we have an extensive craft cocktail menu. May I recommend something a little more bold, edgy and vibrant than the cocktail your parents drank? Great!…
DetailsIt was somewhere around 2005. I was at the Miami airport, about to jump into a cab that would take me to Miami Beach for a corporate speaking engagement. A striking looking brunette, late 20s, asked if she could share my transportation. “Of course,” I said. “Hop in.” We weren’t in the vehicle three minutes…
DetailsThere are currently 7.8 billion people roaming this earth, of which, by my own estimates, 7.7 billion are in therapy. Which explains why I cannot find a therapist. My soon-to-be ex-wife is in therapy; my kids are in therapy; my friends are in therapy; their kids are in therapy. Your kids’ teacher is in therapy.…
DetailsThe January snow totals, and accompanying deep freeze, have left me with three thoughts: Global warming is still a ways off. Even while sitting in a private box and wearing a knit hat to watch her boyfriend catch passes in subzero temperatures, Taylor Swift is still capable of looking bored and miserable. In winter, never…
DetailsIn May 2023, while in the early stages of a life change, I made the decision to live a minimalist existence, also defined as, “purge crap from my life.” Gone were most contents of a 4,400-square-foot house; kept was, well, very little, save clothes, bedding, computer equipment and a juicer. Hey, minimalists need svelte figures.…
DetailsForget weight loss. My 2024 New Year’s resolution is to sound um…wait, uh…the word is on the tip of my tongue…sound… Smarter. Time is of the essence; right now some 13-year-old with an artificial intelligence voice cloning tool is probably doing it for me. I don’t want to see, and hear, myself on TikTok spewing…
DetailsWalking through my Chicago neighborhood one splendid autumn evening, I suddenly found myself in lockstep behind a couple who would elicit a smile from anyone who crossed their path. He was mid 30s; she was mid-toddler — 2 at the most. A fistful of Cheez-It crackers in her left hand, the rest of her body…
DetailsI recently celebrated another trip around the sun, a euphemism for “Happy Birthday” or, in my case, “Four years away from Medicare!” I’m not one of those individuals who feel a 61st birthday is cause for celebration. Sure, it’s nice to open my Facebook feed and see “Happy Birthday” posts from, so far, 143 friends.…
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