This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 28, 2017 As the last light of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend began to fade, I found myself in my garage, contemplating a task I had been neglecting for years. I’d completed…
This article originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 21, 2017. Please visit and subscribe to A Comedian Crashes Your Pad on YouTube or Vimeo From any west facing window in my boyhood home, it was impossible not to see it:…
This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 14, 2017 Once again, it appears one of MY great ideas has been brought to fruition — by somebody who, unlike me, knows how to create an app. Was it nine years ago,…
This article originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune November 7, 2017 The Twitterverse, indeed the entire online community, was abuzz last week with news that a still unidentified rogue Twitter employee, on his or her last day of employment at the social networking giant,…
This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune Oct 31, 2017 The Schwem family has often entertained the idea of hosting a foreign exchange student for a semester or, if the student can tolerate us, an entire year. That could…
Recently I decided to refocus on learning a skill I had abandoned in frustration when I was approximately 11. Blowing bubbles. With gum, not soap. I mastered the latter when I was four. Why, you ask, at the age…
Recently I returned to my college alma mater for homecoming weekend, a chance to watch football, rekindle old friendships and, as is my passion, visit with my school’s current crop of students so I have some idea of what our…
Four years ago, I became intrigued with, and wrote about, Mars One, a space exploration project that seeks to establish a permanent human settlement on the Red Planet. Anyone can apply to be an astronaut, provided they are OK with…
Toys R Us is hiring for the holidays! Toys R Us is going bankrupt! President Trump said any Toys R Us employee who takes a knee in the stuffed animal aisle should be fired! OK, the third item is (presently)…
How many iPhone revisions, updates and unveilings must I sit through before hearing the one feature every parent craves has finally become reality? “MDILMP,” also known as “Mom, Dad, I Lost My Phone.” Recently, I watched Apple CEO Tim Cook enthusiastically announce the new features on…
In no particular order, here is my list of top three tangible items that should never be merged: —$2 chicken wings and a Fitbit —Octogenarians and Snapchat —Alcohol and anyone wanting to discuss politics The remainder of this column will…
The shiny refrigerator sits in my kitchen, hovering over all the other appliances. It features an exterior water and ice dispenser, a digital control panel that allows me to choose whether I prefer my ice cubed or crushed, a crisper…
Seven years ago, my wife and I purchased a half-acre tract of land adjacent to our house, entering the topsy-turvy world of real estate investment. It was never our intention to build anything on the property, despite our neighbors’ suggestions…
Every time I purchase a new car, I always vow that, unlike my previous vehicles, I will keep this one sparkling clean. Forever. I will hand buff its exterior with paste wax weekly, never mind the shoulder and rotator cuff…
Donald Trump Jr. may soon need a new job. Actually, including “new” in that sentence may be erroneous or, “fake news,” as his dad is fond of saying. You see, I’m not sure what our president’s namesake does for a…