I’ll leave my computer, as I have diligently backed up all my important files in something called “The Cloud.” I’m not sure where the cloud is but I’m told by unseen forces at Microsoft who collect $43 dollars from me every month for “cloud storage,” that my files will remain floating, or doing whatever files do in the cloud, forever.
DetailsI’m more concerned with the hygiene habits of my fellow passengers, having endured flights seated next to travelers who engaged in everything from toenail clipping, to nail polish applying, to phlegm expelling.
DetailsWhile seated at Oga’s, I do not plan to loudly state my political views in slurred tones, lustily eyeball another patron’s wife, or question a Sith warrior’s manhood
DetailsRefrigerators, I believe, outrank cupboards and pantries when it comes to storing items indefinitely. Over time they become a mishmash of assorted sauces, seasonings, condiments and oils, all with clearly marked, and clearly ignored, expiration dates.
DetailsThe idea of having sexual trysts with another mythical creature, this one standing upright, covered in hair and otherwise known as “Sasquatch,” recently went mainstream when Virginia congressional candidate Leslie Cockburn accused her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, of an obsession with Bigfoot erotica.
Detailscalmly explained the reasons I wanted Alex Trebek’s job: namely my love of trivia and my desire to, in an increasingly dumb-downed world, meet intelligent people
DetailsUntil now, obtaining a new license always meant a trip to the chaos-ridden Department of Motor Vehicles where, invariably, I get in the wrong line and must start over.
DetailsI Googled “Is it illegal to drive barefoot?” It isn’t. All 50 states allow one to operate a moving vehicle in the same manner as Fred Flintstone.
DetailsAs the Twitter views, and interest, piled up, Blair and Hardaway reveled in their new stalker roles.
DetailsAs her three legally adopted teens, McKenzie, Ethan and Robbie, looked on, Smith obliterated a phone, perched on a nearby tree stump, with a single blast.
DetailsI am equally outraged whenever a deranged individual with a high-powered weapon empties its contents anywhere, be it at a public high school, a gay nightclub, a house of worship, a country music festival; even an athletic field populated with legislators whose policies I disagree with.
DetailsThis column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune June 26, 2018 Coffee and I fall in love, and break up, more than The Bachelor contestants. Each time I vow to flee forever from sweet-smelling, teeth-staining, breath-worsening joe, something pulls me back in. These separations have lasted for durations ranging from two weeks to five years. I’m currently…
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