I am well aware of rats' value in the medical community; their cardiovascular systems are similar to humans and, like us, they possess the uncanny ability to forage for delicious snacks in darkened kitchen pantries at 2 a.m
I had all the classic symptoms: Back pain, followed by severe stomach pain, followed by uncontrollable retching, followed by a mad dash to the emergency room where, naturally, the pain subsided as I was handing my medical insurance card to the receptionist.
Handing out more than a single item quickly gets you a reputation as a “must visit” house among the neighborhood kids. True, I never achieved the status of my neighbor Tom; his lavishly decorated front yard included not only treats for kids, but beer for dads. And I didn’t even have to dress up or say, “Trick or Treat” to receive one.
I've thanked police officers AFTER they've written me speeding tickets. I thanked a cineplex attendant for ripping my admission stub in half and then, without making eye contact, informing me that my movie was "the last theatre on the left." I've thanked my dry cleaner simply for finding my clothes. I once thanked my physical therapist for putting me through an hour of excruciating pain, and then charging me for it.
Several of Clarkson’s tunes reside on my workout playlist and her folksy, “Aw shucks, y’all, I’m just a country Texas girl turned country Texas millionaire” style seems totally genuine.
In your case, calling the photos “selfies” is misleading, for it implies that every one of your fans held their own phones, extended their arms, took the pictures themselves, viewed them with disappointing looks and said, “Wait, can we do one more? In landscape mode?”
Don’t get me wrong, having a baby is a joyous occasion. But do new parents who are well into their years of Social Security eligibility, IRA withdrawals and entry into retirement communities REALLY know what they are getting themselves int
The school bully welcomed me to junior high by shoving me against a locker. In high school, I remember slipping a note into the louvers of my crush's locker, then discreetly watching from an empty classroom as she read it.
Obviously, the study is flawed for assuming a date includes a restaurant, a multiplex and alcohol. New Yorkers take heart; two subway tickets, some takeout Chinese, a candle, a blanket, a shared can of White Claw and a plot of grass in Central Park can easily be had for under $40. Unless one of you insists on bits of lobster or Kobe beef in your fried rice.
My life has recently been filled with several components that no longer bring me joy; some involving injury, pain and rehab, although maybe not in a continuous cycle. Nevertheless, using Luck's logic, I am hereby announcing my retirement from the following activities:
So, CNN, why not cancel the next presidential debate, build your own slide and invite all the remaining Democratic candidates and President Trump to compete? Personally, I think Pete Buttigieg would win in a landslide. Surely his training as a naval officer in Afghanistan included skills that could be resourceful in Slippery Stairs
Babies, despite your best efforts, you’re number two. Dogs are ahead of you. You may have even fallen to number three, behind Peloton classes. Deal with it.
“On September 20, we are going to Groom Lake in Nevada, specifically to storm Area 51,” I said. “The event is on Facebook, and I’ve already responded ‘interested.’ Along with 1.4 million others.”
When it comes to items that should be equipped with a GPS, my choice would be sunglasses. And pens. Hand me either and I will make them vanish faster than any magician appearing nightly on the Las Vegas strip.
I’ll admit, even I was grossed out by this dairy breach, which has since inspired numerous copycat incidents; and I’ve been known to open our refrigerator and swill orange juice and milk straight from the carton, much to my family’s horror.