A Requiem For My Snowblower

The wake was beautiful. Fresh flowers littered the temporary dais; a steady stream of mourners came and went, shivering in the garage while filing past the remains. I stood next to my recently departed companion, holding back tears as well-wishers hugged me and offered words of encouragement. “How wonderful that it waited until spring to…

A Dad’s Prom Checklist

Clad in a tuxedo, the young man dotingly eyed my daughter as she walked slowly toward him. When they met, he took her hand while I looked into his eyes and firmly said, “Take care of my little girl.” And then, following a flurry of photos, they were off to prom. Welcome to high school…

Taking Charge of my Banana

  In spite of my half century on earth, I still relish the chance to master new skills. My children do their best to expand my proficiencies; why, just the other day my 12-year-old taught me how to Photoshop beards and moustaches onto pictures of middle school teachers! But I have grown weary of hearing…

Please, Please Stop Speaking Facebook

Imagine you’re at a party. Someone approaches and engages you in a one-sided conversation. It goes something like this: “Hi (YOUR NAME), haven’t seen you in awhile. Of course, I haven’t seen anybody, considering I just returned from my oceanfront timeshare on Maui. Hey, you won’t believe what happened. I was on the deck, grilling a…

Who Are These Children in my Mailbox?

Before beginning that dreaded day spent packing up ornaments, vacuuming fallen pine needles, retangling Christmas lights and scouring the house unsuccessfully for that one missing gift receipt, I embark on a post-holiday tradition that becomes more depressing each year. I gather all the Christmas card photos we received in the mail and slowly peruse them,…