Somewhere in one of this world’s four hemispheres there lies a land mass void of a human populace but littered with cardboard UPS boxes, puffy FedEx mailer envelopes and baskets stuffed with now inedible holiday delicacies. You won’t find this…
Santa’s elves received the email this week as their boss loaded his sleigh. The message was so ominous, no subject line was needed: We, the Guardians of Christmas Present (GOCP) have successfully hacked Santa’s gift list. We are aware of…
Kudos to the artists who quickly filled in for U2 frontman Bono at the recent World AIDS Day event in New York City. Billed on the band’s website as “U2 minus one,” the quickly announced concert featured Bruce Springsteen and…
I am sneezing in between paragraphs, coughing at the completion of each sentence and wiping my bloodshot eyes as I proofread this column. I see no need to visit the doctor, for I know this horrible cold will pass. The…
“Hello, you’ve reached the Christie residence. This is Governor Chris Christie. Nobody is home right now but please leave a message and we’ll call you back.” (BEEP) “Uh, Governor Christie? This is the Father’s Day/Mother’s Day Council calling. We’re the…
Annette Marie Westwood’s memory is sketchy when she recalls the moment she walked in on her husband having sex with a female co-worker. “I do remember thinking she had really nice breasts,” Westwood said. Westwood, 42, divorced her husband, forgave…
I often wonder what it would be like to meet that guy from the beer commercials, dubbed the “World’s Most Interesting Man.” Would we discuss politics? Cooking? Opera? Definitely not opera because that’s a subject I know nothing about and,…
I approached the reception desk at the large, Chicago-based technology firm, paper bag in hand. The receptionist greeted me warmly. “May I help you, sir?” “Yes. Are you currently hiring?” “We are indeed. Would you like to fill out an…
I recently took a business trip to Poznan, Poland, a city renowned for having the world’s longest street names. If you don’t believe me, please visit the historic Poznan Town Hall district. Simply head south on Aleje Marcinkowskiego and hang…
My daughter sat on her bed, awash in a sea of glossy college brochures filled with photos of smiling sorority girls, strapping football players and freshmen chemistry students who, judging by their joyful expressions, had just cured the Ebola virus.…