Extension cords are nowhere to be seen on my neighbor’s properties; meanwhile, a slew of heavy duty orange cables snakes across my lawn at all angles. If a teenage rock band pulled up and the lead guitar player said, “Dude, mind if we plug in?” I could accommodate them.
Welcome to November, the most confounding month for those who reside in climates that actually feature four seasons. All you sissies who retreated to year-round warm weather environs, you may stop reading if you wish. Go winterize your own homes. In other words, close the screens on your porch halfway.
Just look out your window. Chances are construction crews are digging a Pickleball court on your front lawn and four senior citizens are lingering nearby, with one calling, “We’ve got next!”
I once strained to order, in German, a sandwich in a Munich deli and became so flustered that I believe I ordered a ham on cement with mustard and pencil shavings.
I thought my high school years were uneventful, but evidence to the contrary was all there; in writing. I was a drunken thief who told offensive jokes, had questionable class attendance and may have acted inappropriately with women, some of whom I can’t even recall.
What is it about that frozen dairy delight that elicits a Pavlovian response when we encounter someone else eating it or, in extreme cases, simply discussing it? When I see someone approaching me while gorging on a slice of pizza, I don’t immediately seek out the nearest pizzeria and order up one for myself. Usually, I think, “Dude, get a napkin.”
The Gosar attack ad made me realize that, if I ever throw my hat into any political ring, I will need to take a long look at my relatives. Well, first I’d have to make sure I never acted inappropriately with women at college parties. THEN I’d look at my relatives
I’ll leave my computer, as I have diligently backed up all my important files in something called “The Cloud.” I’m not sure where the cloud is but I’m told by unseen forces at Microsoft who collect $43 dollars from me every month for “cloud storage,” that my files will remain floating, or doing whatever files do in the cloud, forever.
I’m more concerned with the hygiene habits of my fellow passengers, having endured flights seated next to travelers who engaged in everything from toenail clipping, to nail polish applying, to phlegm expelling.
While seated at Oga’s, I do not plan to loudly state my political views in slurred tones, lustily eyeball another patron’s wife, or question a Sith warrior’s manhood