I Read the Updated Candy Crush Privacy Policy so You Don’t Have To
Does collecting Sugar Bombs and Coconut Wheels – terms instantly familiar to Candy Crush aficionados – mean having to sacrifice my anonymity? I was about to find out.
“Plexting” or How To Stay in Shape While Holding an iPhone
Exercise aficionados: Simply follow these three easy steps, and you, too, can develop core stability and strength while satisfying your never-ending lust for constant connectivity.
“Retirement Party” = “Hooray, You’re Leaving!”
I don’t believe anyone would agree to be feted with a party upon their final workday if they stopped to consider what a retirement party really is: namely, a chance to celebrate the fact that you, the guest of honor, are leaving.
Mom’s Gone Viral. Now What do I do?
I truly do feel for the girl who watched her mom exhibit all the tact and manners of a zoo animal at feeding time.
Stand on an Airplane? Kiss My Underused Ass
Aviointeriors, an Italian manufacturer of aircraft interiors, is floating the idea of installing “seats” featuring designs so upright, passengers are basically standing for the entire flight. Dubbed Skyrider 2.0 (no word on what became of Skyrider 1.0), the seats allow for, the website states, “ultra-high density in the aircraft cabin.”
Quick, Somebody Give President Trump a Puppy
President Trump, unfortunately for America, you spend a good deal of the day on your phone, churning out vitriolic nonsense via Twitter. Why not scroll over to Puppies of Instagram, followed by more than 664,000 individuals who enjoy uploading and viewing still images of adorable little dogs?
My Wife Needs a Blouse, and I Need Some Help
The men’s clothier that generously employed me during Christmas breaks throughout college was nondescript save for one feature: service. Family-owned and -operated since 1955, its two aisles housed the standard assortment of tailor-made suits, cashmere sweaters, neckwear and accoutrements perfect for the working man, back when “casual” office attire meant loosening one’s tie. The store…
Why Aren’t Grandma and Grandpa Playing Fortnite?
Mom and I were talking the other day about the common problems facing this country’s aging population: inactivity, loneliness, occasional bouts of depression. I sympathize, and wish I had a suggestion to solve the tribulations that, sadly, plague a good portion of senior citizens. This time, however, I may have a found an answer. “‘Fortnite,’”…
Some Creative Ways for Donald Trump to Fire People
As a self-employed individual for over 30 years, I, Greg Schwem, have never been a victim of termination. Although, I admit, there have been times I’ve wanted to fire myself for offenses ranging from failure to turn off the coffee maker to neglecting to click “save” on an important Word document. My friends in…
“Priority” Boarding Means the Back of the Line
It’s printed in big bold letters on my airline ticket: PRIORITY BOARDING. I paid $75 extra for those words, but it will be worth it. Right? I’ll get on the plane before all these other passengers. By the time they board, my smug body will be comfortably seated, my bag securely stored overhead. I might…