I always dread the week following Labor Day, for it seems nothing is right in the world. Is it any wonder the still-unidentified White House senior official who wrote the infamous New York Times op-ed chose that week to spill his or her guts about the state of Donald Trump’s presidency?
For the record, my money is on Trump’s son, Barron. He attends an exclusive private school where fancy words like “lodestar” probably appear on weekly vocabulary quizzes. Also, being related to Trump automatically comes with “White House senior official” status. Just ask Jared.
The week following Labor Day saw the start of kids grumbling for nine months as they trudged back to school. Ditto for adults who blew their entire two-week vacation allotment on a summer trip to Europe and are now faced with five days of uninterrupted labor for the next 50 weeks. In the news, post-Labor Day, items included the wildest Supreme Court nominee hearing this side of Clarence Thomas, the open-air stabbing of a Brazilian presidential candidate and another mass shooting (this time in Cincinnati).
And if that’s not enough, traveling by air became akin to walking into the bioterrorism wing of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention without a surgical mask and inhaling deeply.
Let’s see, there was Emirates Flight 203 from Dubai that sat, quarantined, on the runway for hours after arriving at JFK in New York, amid reports that more than 100 passengers aboard fell ill during the flight. Ten were hospitalized with flu-like symptoms while the rest were declared fit enough to continue their travel plans and fend for themselves in the Big Apple.
Meanwhile, over in Texas, Southwest Airlines regrettably announced that passengers on four of its flights may have been exposed to measles, due to one infected passenger who bounced between Dallas, Houston and Harlingen, Texas, in mid-August. Yes, bags fly free on Southwest. And, apparently, so do itchy rashes.
Finally, some European medical researchers revealed we will all be susceptible to various illnesses once we so much as purchase an airline ticket, for doing so will involve going through security, a veritable treasure trove of germs designed to do us harm.
A study, published in the BMC Infectious Diseases Journal, found those gray plastic trays to be the number one source of germs at Finland’s Helsinki-Vantaa airport. Well, actually, it’s No. 2 behind “a plastic toy dog in the children’s playground,” but I’d be willing to bet most passengers traveling through Finland don’t have time to stop and pet any dog, real or plastic. The security bins are another story; the study concludes handling them is “almost inevitable for all embarking passengers.”
I’ll admit, I’ve never given much thought to my health when I grab a bin and deposit my personal affects which, due to my recently approved TSA Precheck status, no longer includes my belt. I may be laden with germs, but I won’t have to worry about fellow passengers silently snickering when they see my pants falling as I hurry through the metal detector.
I estimate I touch the bin three times whenever I enter security: Once to grab it, a second while I’m transferring my pocket’s contents to it, and a third when I retrieve my items. If I’m feeling particularly helpful, I’ll remove the empty bin from the conveyor belt, thereby increasing, by 25 percent, my chance of contracting influenza A, rhinovirus, coronavirus and a whole lot more unpleasantries mentioned in the study.
I’m more concerned with the hygiene habits of my fellow passengers, having endured flights seated next to travelers who engaged in everything from toenail clipping, to nail polish applying, to phlegm expelling. I can combat these practices only by trying to hold my breath for the entire flight or vowing to win the lottery and using my newfound wealth to purchase my own jet.
Now I enter 2018’s final quarter resigned that I must unleash hand sanitizer and anti-bacterial wipes before I even meet Mr. Toenail Clipper. I’ll probably catch something anyway, but I take comfort in one fact.
I won’t feel sick when I open The New York Times.
